Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site dartvax.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!decvax!dartvax!davidk From: davidk@dartvax.UUCP (David C. Kovar) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: The Relationship after ... Message-ID: <600@dartvax.UUCP> Date: Thu, 12-Jan-84 10:34:53 EST Article-I.D.: dartvax.600 Posted: Thu Jan 12 10:34:53 1984 Date-Received: Fri, 13-Jan-84 06:47:24 EST References: <2184@ihldt.UUCP> Organization: Dartmouth College Lines: 69 >>Recently I had the experience of befriending a person after a >>"traumatic" break-up(first love,2 year romance). I ask YOU: >>-What is the best cure for a broken heart? There is no such thing as a "best cure". In general, it is up to the individual. Some people need to sulk for two months, others need to get right back into the game. Depends on how you feel about yourself I'd say. >>-Will time REALLY cure a broken heart? Again, it depends on the person. (You know how many net.singles questions can be answered that way??) At worst, time will dull the pain and put the feelings at a distance. The effectiveness of the cure depends on how dull the pain becomes and how far away the feelings go. It can all be reopened by a chance meeting ... >>-Can a person really establish a serious relationship after this >>experience? Well, if you can't, you've got problems. I broke up with my first girlfriend after three years. I will readily admit that I was definitely looking for a non-serious relationship. Instead I managed to find one that has the potential for an equally long life. (It has already been nine months, so I would at least qualify it as serious.) I have a feeling that many people would find it a bit more difficult to start something as serious right off and I still have my doubts. >>-Will engaging in another relationship help or hurt the mending >> process? That's a tough one. It helped me get over the loss, but it did not help my ex-girlfriend or my attempts to maintain some sort of relationship with her. (Understandably.) It might, in some cases, also put some pressure on the new relationship as you might be expecting it to be far better than the past one. Or you might need the closeness of the past one and not be able to get that close in the new one. It's a situation to be careful in. >>-How do you prevent this experience from affecting future >> relationships? I'm not really sure on this one. One *must* refrain from making comparisons, even if only in your own mind. It can really poison old and new feelings. Aside from that, I will pass on this one. >>-How do you convince a person that LOVE is worth trying again? I think they probably have to convince myself. I am one of those stubborn types that tends to learn by experience and not by friends telling me how it should be. Intellectually, I know they are right, emotionally I feel the need to prove it for myself. Be kind and considerate to them and don't pressure them. -- David C. Kovar Usenet: {linus, decvax}!dartvax!davidk ARPA: kovar@MIT-ML (Infrequent) U.S. Snail HB 3140 Dartmouth College Hanover NH 03755 "The difficult we did yesterday, the impossible we are doing now."