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From: twltims@watmath.UUCP (Tracy Tims)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: 1. What if s/he accepts?  2. Why on earth am I attracted to HER?
Message-ID: <6426@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Jan-84 11:41:53 EST
Article-I.D.: watmath.6426
Posted: Thu Jan 12 11:41:53 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 14-Jan-84 00:26:42 EST
References: <435@pucc-h>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 55

-- Jeff Sargent/...pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq writes the questions. . .

1. On the first few dates, how does one judge how affectionate to be when
   saying good night (or during the date, for that matter)? . . .

	I generally am not very affectionate with someone until I feel
	comfortable and I understand that the other person would feel
	comfortable as well.  This usually doesn't happen until
	after the second date.  Actually, I usually (but not always)
	become that comfortable with someone before I begin to date them.
	I like to have developed some "percieved" rather than "speculative"
	trust and caring before getting too affectionate.

	If she's on the date for the same reason I am she won't feel
	cheated if I don't kiss her goodnight on the first N dates.
	But hey, anything can happen!  It's not something I worry about.
	If she's the sort I'd like to become involved with, she'll
	not become hostile due to my choices (and she's welcome to make
	her own preferences known.)

2. What does one do after the first date or two?

	We go to the dump to shoot rats with my laser pistol. :-)  I forcibly
	dragged one girl I was interested in to a play I was going to work
	on and now it's difficult to keep her away from them.  There's
	always sex.  And what about getting together to cook dinner?  It's
	amazing what you can find out about someone by cooking with them.

The whole point of this is:  Supposing you get something started, how do you
minimize the probability of its exploding in your face, or else slowly (and
possibly torturedly) dying away?. . .

	You don't.  You won't have the skill to anyhow.  Just live and
	enjoy and learn.  You can act in ways that you think she'll
	want you to act, and that may work for awhile.  The chances are
	that you'll be building a good store of tension that will
	eventually destroy your relationship.  Don't do anything you'll
	resent later.  Be yourself.  If you really want to change
	something about yourself do it when you don't have a SO as an
	excuse.  That way you will be sure it comes from within you.

What does one do when one finds oneself attracted to a MOTAS with whom one is
at least 80% sure one would not be compatible?  . . .

	Why worry?  If your are free and she is free why not see what could
	happen?  I was in a situation much like you describe.  We eventually
	did get romantic.  The situation was not positive.  We broke up and
	remain very good friends.  I suppose it could have gone the other	
	way in different circumstances.  The point is, you will never know
	what could happen until you try it.  At the stage in your life I
	suspect you are at your speculations will bear little resemblance
	to reality.  (Based on personal observations.)  Go do something!

	Tracy Tims	{linus,allegra,decvax,utcsrgv}!watmath!twltims
			The University of Waterloo, 519-885-1211 x2730