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From: ariels@orca.UUCP (Ariel Shattan)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: the morning after??
Message-ID: <468@orca.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Jan-84 17:06:11 EST
Article-I.D.: orca.468
Posted: Thu Jan 12 17:06:11 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 15-Jan-84 00:30:10 EST
Organization: Tektronix, Wilsonville OR.
Lines: 74


Cheryl Harris wants to know...

-What is the best cure for a broken heart?

Time, and the ability to learn from pain.  But mostly time.  It's
gonna hurt each time s/he hears certain music, sees certain films,
and goes certain places.  But the hurt fades.  It will never go
entirely away, but it loses the edge.  It will evolve into a
bittersweet sort of rememberance.  One day s/he will be able to look
back and smile at the good parts of the relationship, instead of
feeling like crying everytime s/he is reminded of that "special
person."

-Will time REALLY cure a broken heart?

Yes, if the scab isn't ripped off again and again.  It's the feeling
of bitterness and hate that you have to work to avoid.  If you feed
a person's pain with stories of how they've been wronged, they will
lose all the beauty that the old relationship had.

-Can a person really establish a serious relationship after this
 experience?

Yes, but it's never the same as "first love".  If s/he learned
anything from the experience, s/he's likely to be "sadder but
wiser", not quite so willing to be head over heels in love, not
quite so trusting.  

-Will engaging in another relationship help or hurt the mending process?
 (assuming that the "mending process" will take a while)

Probably help. At least, it'll help the hurt one, but it's not much
for the one who's doing the patching up. Catching a
person on the rebound usually means that you have to be much more
understanding, and much more patient.  Also, you usually end up
dumped yourself after they get their feet under them.  

-How do you prevent this experience from affecting future relationships?

You can't do anything.  Such decisions are the wounded party's.  
If s/he decides to let past experiences prevent her/him from enjoying
future relationships, there's nothing anybody can do to convince
her/him otherwise.

-How do you convince a person that LOVE is worth trying again?

Wait.  You're not going to do it during the first six months.  The
decision to love again takes a while.  Only the hurt one can
convince her/himself that it's worth it again.  See above answer.

Now for some comments of my own:

If you want a real relationship with someone who is a little
tender-skinned right now, don't be there for them constantly.  Don't
let them drip on you more than you would let any other friend.  The
one who patches together the broken heart is usually the one who is
left behind once the heart is mended.  

If you are ultra-understanding and let yourself be walked all over 
because you are trying to help them (even though it is what they feel 
they need at the moment), they won't want to get romantically involved
with you once they are ready again.  They'll be grateful, and they'll
like you and feel that you're a friend, but they won't want to be
romantically involved with you.  Even worse, some people get so
embarassed by their own behaviour during the down period that they
don't want to see the people who helped them through it because it
reminds them of how awful they were.

So, this probably didn't answer your questions the way you wanted
them answered, but remember, you did ask.

Ariel (this too shall pass) Shattan
..decvax!tektronix!orca!ariels