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From: paveleck@ihldt.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Cold and callous
Message-ID: <2203@ihldt.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 17-Jan-84 18:01:58 EST
Article-I.D.: ihldt.2203
Posted: Tue Jan 17 18:01:58 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 18-Jan-84 07:44:06 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 45

I also say "Amen" to Laura Creighton's views, which some people may
consider to be "cold and callous", in regard to having a broken
heart.

There is a whole school of psychological thought based on those
same views.  It's called Rational Emotive Therapy, and it basically
says that people who feel unhappy, angry, inferior or have some other
negative feelings can conquer them by thinking rationally (i. e., changing
their thoughts).  As an example, if you just broke up with your long-time
"significant other", you're probably thinking along the lines of
"Oh, how horrible it is that this relationship didn't work out!  I (or
the other person) should've done something about it and didn't, and
now I've lost that person!  What am I going to do now?!"  The way of
thinking that Rational Emotive Therapy emphasizes would have you
saying this to yourself instead: "I'm disappointed that this relationship
didn't work out.  I'll try to learn from my mistake of not doing something
about it" or "My significant other didn't act like I thought he/she 
should've, but there are many times when others act in ways we disapprove
of, and we can't make them do what we want."  In either case, you shouldn't
think that your relationship's ending is "horrible" because you CAN
live without it and people DO make mistakes in actions and judgment and
there ARE other people with whom you can have a satisfying
relationship.  You have to, in effect, roll with anything life
throws at you.

This is not to say that it's easy to get over disappointments in one's
relationships; in fact, it's a difficult thing to live through (I take
a long time to get over them myself, as do many of us).  But the point
that Laura and this school of psychological thought wanted to make is
that we tend to make things affect us negatively by thinking along the
patterns dictated to us by society, our upbringing, the media, etc. and
not along more calm, rational lines.  If you stop and think about some
of the fears and negative feelings you have, you'll find that most of
them are based on a convoluted thought process we've had jammed down
our throats.

I think that if we single people could really take these views, we'd
eliminate a lot of anxiety, time-wasting and inappropriate action
(as in getting depressed and crying for a whole week or getting drunk
out of your mind when you break up with someone) and be better able
to deal with our single lives in a positive manner.

					For what it's worth,
					Bob Paveleck
					ihldt!paveleck