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From: spaf@gatech.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Another dumb(?) question
Message-ID: <3446@gatech.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 23-Jan-84 00:59:01 EST
Article-I.D.: gatech.3446
Posted: Mon Jan 23 00:59:01 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 27-Jan-84 04:39:27 EST
References: <484@pucc-h>
Organization: Georgia Tech School of ICS, Atlanta
Lines: 44

No question is dumb if the questioner is sincere.  Recognizing a
question and asking it is actually a sign of wisdom, I daresay.

I guess my first comment is, why bother what you call it?  Don't make
so many grand plans and worry about all the ramifications now -- no
matter what you plan, it is bound to happen differently.

Second of all, making friends is never "using" someone if you're
sincere.  She knows she'll be leaving, let her make her own decisions.
You'll have your own feelings to worry about.  Be careful that you
aren't thinking of this person as a generic "someone" to add to your
life at the moment -- then you aren't relating to the person involved
and that could, indeed be considered "using" someone.

Don't plan too far ahead.  In fact, don't plan at all.  If you haven't
even really asked the person out for the first time (or even talked to
them!), don't start worrying about whether it will turn into a sexual
relationship, or how someone will react when the eventual split
happens, or whatever.  Just worry about that first encounter, or next
encounter.  I'm not suggesting that you cease to dream or fantasize,
but don't start building complex decision charts about where the
relationship might go.  You're dealing with another person there --
complex and wonderful.  You can't know how they'll react, and you
shouldn't try to make them react according to your script.

Words sometimes have too much associated with them.  Friend, lover,
acquaintance -- does it matter that you put a name on it?  Let each
relationship be new and different for it is yours alone to live and
share.  Let each smile be a first one, each kiss be a first kiss.
Relationships begin to crumble when you start taking each other for
granted and when you begin to believe you know exactly what the other
person is going to do. Don't start a new relationship that way.

Go for it.  Enjoy it.  Don't label it.  Don't try to plan it too far in
advance. Just live it and see where it goes. 

Good luck.


-- 
Off the Wall of Gene Spafford
The Clouds Project, School of ICS, Georgia Tech, Atlanta GA 30332
CSNet:	Spaf @ GATech		ARPA:	Spaf.GATech @ CSNet-Relay
uucp:	...!{akgua,allegra,rlgvax,sb1,unmvax,ulysses,ut-sally}!gatech!spaf