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From: seifert@ihuxl.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.women,net.singles
Subject: Re: Ramblings on Space (getting burned)
Message-ID: <863@ihuxl.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 26-Jan-84 09:12:28 EST
Article-I.D.: ihuxl.863
Posted: Thu Jan 26 09:12:28 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 27-Jan-84 12:26:57 EST
References: <295@houxu.UUCP> <1693@utcsstat.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
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{for those of you reading this in net.singles, this is a followup
to an article by Laura in net.women.  Net.singles seems to be a more
appropriate group.}

>  This is the mythical 'sex makes all the difference in the world' 
>  syndrome.  The idea is 'well friends are friends, but sex, gee, 
>  wow that's something really different'. I think that this is 
>  a particularily crummy attitude.

Well, Laura, I disagree.  The "syndrome" is not mythical.  Whether
it's right or wrong is another matter.  Some people view sex as
just another form of recreation.  Other people think that sex
*is* something very special, and should be limited to one person,
your spouse.  And there is a whole continum(sp) in between.

The Bible makes it clear that sex is *not* just recreation,
so those subscribing to the Jewish or Christian religions
will need to consider this.  Persons dating someone with
different religious beliefs will want to be very careful here.

So what we have is a bunch of people with various attitudes
towards sex.  The problem comes when we *assume* that someone
else feels the same way about it that we do.  They may very well 
not, even if they totally agree with us on 173 other controversial
topics.  This is a real good way to get yourself burned.

A slightly more 'generic' problem is "intimacy".  Intimacy comes
from trust, respect, and friendship. Intimacy is letting another
person get inside you. This can be mentally and/or physically.
Mentally, intimacy is sharing your deepest fears, your most
secret thoughts with someone and not worring about being laughed
at, or having your secrets transmitted to the 'grapevine'. There
is a "special bond" between you.  You know the person well enough 
to 'read their thoughts', to know what they are going to say before
they say it. Physically, intimacy is sex. This doesn't have to
be "all the way", it could just as well be "only" a kiss or a backrub
or whatever.

Now, some people can turn intimacy on and off like a light
switch ('A'), others can't ('B'). A gets hurt when B doesn't
reciprocate A's intimacy right away. B gets hurt when A abruptly
'pulls the plug', and B is left with a big gaping hole where
the link to A used to be.

So how do we keep from hurting each other?  Hey, if I knew
the answer to that one, I'd be rich!  The only thing I can
think of is to echo Laura's suggestion of trying to find
out how each other feels *before* things go too far, and
someone gets burned.  Even then, we can still get burned, 
because emotions don't always listen to logic. (Ask me how 
I know!)

	<insert wise old quotation here>
-- 
		_____
	       /_____\		from the flying doghouse of
	      /_______\			Snoopy
		|___|	
	    ____|___|_____	    ihnp4!ihuxl!seifert