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Path: utzoo!laura
From: laura@utzoo.UUCP (Laura Creighton)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: getting over it... - (nf)
Message-ID: <3483@utzoo.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 28-Jan-84 02:02:00 EST
Article-I.D.: utzoo.3483
Posted: Sat Jan 28 02:02:00 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 28-Jan-84 02:02:00 EST
References: <1379@pur-ee.UUCP>, <1651@utcsstat.UUCP> <915@proper.UUCP>, <602@ihuxp.UUCP>
Organization: U of Toronto Zoology
Lines: 27

The "he was a jerk, I am better off without him" reaction is one that
I have noticed, time and time again.

I don't think that this is healing, though. It may be what it takes
to get some people doing something besides pity, but that doesn't make
it healing...

If he was a jerk, then, yes, you are most likely better off without him, 
but probably compassion is in order, not scorn. And, besides, you have
a real problem -- how did you get involved with a jerk in the first place?
You had better fix that one or you will do the same thing again and again.

If, on the other hand, he was not a jerk, but in fact, *you* were, or
(more likely) the relationship just didn't work, then you are only calling
him a jerk because it is more convenient for you that way.

The question is why? The obvious answers are a) I want to still get pity
from my friends b) I don't have the guts to face up to my faults and
c) even though I can face up to my faults I don't think other people
can.

Clearly, there are other answers, but these come up very often. They
are real problems which you will never face if you are still complacently 
hating the other guy.
-- 
Laura Creighton (NOTE NEW ADDRESS)
utzoo!laura