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Path: utzoo!watmath!jamcmullan
From: jamcmullan@watmath.UUCP (Judy McMullan)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: on the "need" for support groups
Message-ID: <6480@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 18-Jan-84 11:43:38 EST
Article-I.D.: watmath.6480
Posted: Wed Jan 18 11:43:38 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 19-Jan-84 06:52:00 EST
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 34

	>Now, you have to get the guts to get on with life. I only know of 2
	>stores you can go to to get the guts. One is the store of hatred
	>and the other is the store of compassion....
	>...And the hatred store is a lot easier to find -- so most groups
	>end up being used for mutual backing-up-the-hatred, so that you can
	>have the guts to go out there. 

Laura, I have to disagree that support groups teach one to hate. I have
been in various women's groups (some structured strictly as "support" groups
and some with a political purpose). I will never deny that there have been
some man-hating types in the group but they are always a very small minority.
Far more often, these groups give one ideas about how to cope with life.
For instance, someone may suggest the snappy comeback to make to your thick-
headed boss's remarks. Someone may tell you how they finally got it across to
their boyfriend (awful word) what it is like to fear rape. Because these
people may be able to look at you more objectively than your family, they
may point out the job skills you have that you didn't even realize were
valuable (eg. because no one thought being a seamstress was valuable).
    For myself, I have discovered some marvelous books. Reading these gave
me plenty of snappy comebacks for all sorts of situations women find them-
selves in. I have also discovered women's music (no, not Chris Williamson --
Anne Murray!!). Being in women's groups has also given me the feeling that
I am not alone!! I am so happy to find that I am not the only one who hates
being called a "girl" (ridiculous, after all I've been through!).
    I also have a friend who is very uncomfortable with the "macho" role of
men. He joined a support group of like-minded men and they were able to
discuss their feelings and shape new roles for themselves in an environment
without hostility. I don't think they were spending time hating. They had
lives (their own) they were busy re-shaping.
    Mmmm. I like those last two sentences. I think that's the way I feel about
support groups.

   --from the sssstickkky keyboard of Judy McMullan
   ...!{allegra|decvax}!watmath!jamcmullan