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From: saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley)
Newsgroups: net.abortion
Subject: Re: Re:
Message-ID: <7372@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 25-Mar-84 23:10:55 EST
Article-I.D.: watmath.7372
Posted: Sun Mar 25 23:10:55 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 26-Mar-84 20:38:24 EST
References: <553@psuvm.UUCP>, <3671@utzoo.UUCP>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 107

> the problem with adoption is that it often does not work out well.
> The theories as to why a lot of adopted kids do not turn out well
> vary, but the 2 main ones are as follows:
> 
> the adopted kid gets to a point in his life where he cannot reconcile a
> feeling of his own worth with the knowledge that somebody ``gave him
> up''. The personality disintegrates and you get suicidal adopted kids,
> criminal adopted kids, and all sorts of personality problems of this
> sort.

Even though I do not like the way adoptions are organised and I do agree
with you that this feeling of rejection might prove to be a problem, it
is a problem that can be overcome if the adoptive parents are willing
to reassure their child and not turn the adoption into a big deal.  Telling
the adoptive child that s/he was loved by his/her biological parents and that
being given up for adoption was probably more an act of love rather than hate
and that s/he was given up for adoption because s/he couldn't probably be well
taken care of will do a lot to help.  Emphasising how much the adoptive parents
love their child will also do a lot of good.  Explaining to the child that there
is nothing wrong with him/her is very important.  The problem is that adoptive
parents often do not know how to deal with the child's feeling of rejection.

> the other:
> 
> The adoption agencies select parents who are bright, middle class. These
> people want children, but their basic concept of children is necessarily
> ``like I and my siblings were when I was a child'' since this is where
> your image of what a child is comes from. The adopted kid, though, is
> not selected for intelligence. (In fact, if intelligence is to some degree
> inherited, and one of the reasons that people have an unwanted pregnancy
> is that tey were too stupid to use birth control, or use it properly,
> precisely the opposite is being selected for in the adopted kid.)
> Therefore, the parets will do a bad job of raising the kid precisely 
> because the kid cannot helpt but feel alienated in an intellectual
> household due to his inferior intelligence.

You are presenting a real problem, but why do you have to surround it with
so much garbage?
First, there is more to life than being intelligent and if parents do not accept
that, they are the ones who have problems, not the kid (although the kid will be
the one suffering).
Second, I really think you should be careful before you make such sweeping
and insulting generalisations about the intelligence of people having unwanted
pregnancies.  Many adopted children do have intellectual problems, but those are
usually children who are adopted late, and there is no evidence whatsoever that
those problems are genetic or that they have "inferior" intelligence.  As far
as I know the problem of biology vs environment with respect to intellectual
ability has not been solved and everything points to the conclusion that both
might be important in the intellectual development of a child.  What is not
known is the proportions.  So your claims of genetically inherited "stupidity"
are completely unfounded.

> Note that neither of these theories ever says that the parents go out
> and try to do a bad job raising the child that they adopted -- in
> the first case whether they try to do a good job is irrelevant and in
> the second case the harder they try to be good parents the more
> likely they are to make things worse unless they are aware of how
> to raise a stupid kid, which presumably they can not learn from their
> own experience.

WHAT!!!!????  This is probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard!!!  Then
why should people bother adopting children if it is not going to make any
difference?  As I pointed out, in the first case, there is a lot that the
adoptive parent can do to make the child feel better, and in the second case
they can also do a lot of good too, including helping him/her out if they do
have problems.  There is no special way to raise "stupid" kids.  Children
are people and as people they potentially have all sorts of problems, whether
they might be physical, intellectual or emotional.  "good" parents are parents
who, among other things,  will try to adapt their parenting to the child they
are taking care of.  Again I find your emphasis on intelligence a bit upsetting.
Why make such a big fuss about it?  Life with an IQ under 130 is not the end of
the world.  There are many things that can be done and need to be done that
demand other capacities than high IQ's, why insist so much on it?

> The end result, which is not questioned, is that are a lot of parents
> out there whose adopted kids ``turn bad'' in adolescence. And they now
> feel that adoption was a mistake because they did not know that they
> were getting a jekyl-hyde monster.

Then why are you against abortion then?  you had a chance to get rid of those
monsters from the beginning, why did you insist that it was better not too, if
these people were genetically determined to be so horrible?
On a more sober note, adoptive parents are not the only ones whose kids "turn
bad" adolescence.  Adolescence is a period where things seem to go bad for most
people going through it.  Show me one parent of a teenager who does not think
that they have a "jekyl-hide" monster on their hands.

> I have seen this happen many, many times -- including within my own
> family. I do not think hat it is known hown to raise an adopted child.
> I believe that the problem is different than a naturally born child
> (though we really don't know how to do a good job about that, either.)
> I just don't think that killing a human being is ever morally right, and
> I do not know how to get a definition of human. Therefore, perfect
> birth control is a must.

I think that the problems with "raising an adopted child" are mainly caused
by the big stigma society still has on adoption and the importance of "blood"
relationships.  taking care of an adopted child does entail some problems, but
I think they are caused mainly by the fact that people make too much of a fuss
about it (not allowing the biological parent to participate for one, and being
so secretive about the whole thing)
> -- 
> Laura Creighton
> utzoo!laura

				Sophie Quigley
			...!{decvax,allegra}!watmath!saquigley