Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site hou5d.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!floyd!vax135!ariel!hou5f!hou5g!hou5h!hou5a!hou5d!mat From: mat@hou5d.UUCP (M Terribile) Newsgroups: net.auto Subject: Close call, or the Anal Sphincter strikes again Message-ID: <922@hou5d.UUCP> Date: Mon, 23-Apr-84 01:16:57 EST Article-I.D.: hou5d.922 Posted: Mon Apr 23 01:16:57 1984 Date-Received: Tue, 24-Apr-84 07:30:39 EST Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Holmdel, NJ Lines: 76 It's the Saturday before Easter. I'm travelling south on Rte 35 just south of the intersect with US9. There is a tight pack of cars around me. A couple of road-pluggers are driving next to each other a little below 40 (50 mph road) a few cars ahead. Behind me the only near vehicle is a flatbed truck, empty. It's one of those trucks that they pile seven or eight smashed-up cars on. Not a semi. The truck moves right (I'm on the left of 2 lanes southbound) and tries to find an opening. Failing that, he falls back a little. Suddenly, the cars ahead panic-brake. A little ways up one car swerves violently to the right. I jam on the brakes; my '82 Reliant's rear end breaks loose. I recover, and then --panic! I'm still doing about 25 and the car ahead is just about stopped. I watch helplessly as I see my hood about to plow into his, with my brake pedal to the floor. Well, at about 20 my brakes grab hard and I come to a stop. As I bounce off the shoulder harness, I glance in the mirror. Clear -Sigh- -- *NO!* The flatbed's front end careens into my field of view, skidding sideways. The truck comes to a stop about 7 feet behind my rear bumper. No damage to sheet metal anywhere. Lots of burnt rubber everywhere. The front cars pull away, and then the next row, and then ... The culprit looks like a early 70's big-body mint-colored GM sedan, driven by an obese black woman (If you want to discuss racial overtones, meet me on net.flame). The left rear spring is shot -- car appears to be riding on the stops. Driver seems oblivious to spring, traffic, and near ten-car-plus-truck accident she caused. Less than half a mile down the road, now in the right lane, she comes to a sudden stop to read a road sign for an exit. More screeching brakes, though at about 25 mph this time. Love them Delco power brakes. She ought to have her service brakes removed entirely! Oh, I wish that I'd been right in front of or behind a cop. That ***** deserved a reckless driving citation (in my opinion, of course). About four seconds after we got rolling again, I felt a wave of relief all over. About a minute later I started getting cramps in my back! They eased up in another minute. Lessons: 1) Keep out of packs, especially tight ones. Ol' Mr. Smith's rule about space makes sense. 2) Tires. With the original equipment tires I would've lost the rear end much sooner, and I probably could not have brought it back in line. Woulda' rear-ended the person in front of me, and kissed my unibody front end goodbye. And just that morning, I'd finally gotten around to bringing my XZXs back up to pressure (they were over two lbs low). 3) Pure dumb luck. That truck driver must've seen what was happening at least a second before I did, and acted on it. At almost 40 mph, if he'd been one EIGHTH of a second slower my rear end would have been gone. One quarter of a second and they would have taken me out with the jaws. 4) Anal Sphincters. They're all around you. ``Sweeney stands in the parlour hall, Sweeney leans on the office wall, Noplace is safe; Nothing can hide you -- Isn't that Sweeney there beside you !??'' 5) Wear the belt! I always do; this is the third time in two years that it saved my sweet hindquarters. -- from Mole End Mark Terribile (scrape..dig) hou5d!mat ,.. .,, ,,, ..,***_*.