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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!we13!ihnp4!afinitc!wuphys!wucs!eric
From: eric@wucs.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: An Original
Message-ID: <154@wucs.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 25-Mar-84 22:05:19 EST
Article-I.D.: wucs.154
Posted: Sun Mar 25 22:05:19 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 27-Mar-84 00:52:26 EST
Organization: Wash. Univ. in St. Louis, CS Dept.
Lines: 42

[Everyone has one -- why do so many advertise?]

Our quest for the most disgusting mutilations of the English language
(GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!) leads us back in time and across the ocean to Oxford
University, where Lord Billshut has just assumed the position of
Professor Emeritus.  After so many years of academic duty it seemed
fitting that in semi-retirement Lord Billshut should be allowed to
pursue his life-long hobby -- the collection of the greatest works
of English Literature.

After his many years of research and collection he possessed quite a
personal library.  Volumes containing the original penmanship of the
greatest authors of the ages decked his study, all held in slanted shelves
specially designed to make removal of the volumes impossible, thus
theftproof.  Likewise, all of the shelves were anchored to make their
removal quite impossible.  A  lone shelf lay empty, awaiting the volume
which would complete the collection -- the author: Charles Dickens.

His trusty servant, Lumpfish, had been charged with obtaining the
volume, the final companion to the others of a homogenous set already
procured, earlier in the day.  Upon his return, feverish with excitement,
Lord Billshut grabbed the volume from the hands of Lumpfish and
immediately secured the text to its rightful spot with the rest.

"Ah...  Er...  M'Lord, I believe you might wish to wait a second
or two before affixing those pages to yer... ah...", said
Lumpfish, his sentence interrupted by the anguished cry of
(our friend) Lord Billshut.  "This is not Dickens!  This is
a copy of 'Books in Print'!  You silly ass!" he exclaimed,
and attempted to thrash Lumpfish, whereupon Lord Billshut
suffered a major heart attack and died on the spot.

The moral of the story is: (of course)

	"Never mount your Dickens before they're matched!"

Can you believe that Billshut?

from the taped mouth of
eric	:-#
-- 
..!ihnp4!afinitc!wucs!eric