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From: rlr@pyuxn.UUCP (Rich Rosen)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: A new form of divestiture
Message-ID: <531@pyuxn.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 30-Mar-84 10:11:21 EST
Article-I.D.: pyuxn.531
Posted: Fri Mar 30 10:11:21 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 31-Mar-84 07:38:50 EST
Organization: Bell Communications Research, Piscataway N.J.
Lines: 55

April 1 1984 - Washington DC

After the huge success surrounding the divestiture and  reorganization of
the Bell System, the Justice Department has sought to expand the logic to
other public service functions.   As a first step, the postal system will
be reorganized in a similar fashion to the new Bell System.

Under  the new scheme,  the currently existing  US Postal Service will be
divided  into regional post  office companies  (RPOCs)  serving the local
communities.   The RPOC  will service customers  solely on a local basis,
moving letters  only between  the mailbox and the  local postal  facility
(central office).   If the point of delivery  is within the  scope of the
local central  post office,  then delivery is the sole  responsibility of
the RPOC local office.   However, if the item is to be sent to a location
outside the realm of the local post office,  the customer must be given a
choice as to which non-local  carrier service he/she wishes to use.   The
choices  will include  USMail  (a fully separated entity from the RPOCs),
UPS, Federal Express, Emery Air Express, and the Pony Express (which will
be divested from the  USMail  corporation).   The RPOCs  may not show any
favoritism toward their  former parent organization,  now called  USMail,
and must allow  other carriers complete  accessibility to their  customer
base.  This is being done to foster a free market environment in the mail
industry,  and to  promote competition  and free  enterprise  amongst the
carriers, many of whom felt that USMail had limited such practices in the
past.

The question arose as to  which organization,  the RPOCs or  the national
postal service,  would retain the name 'U. S. Mail',  especially in light
of the widely held  reputation  surrounding that name.   In the end,  the
issue was settled by a coin toss, which the national postal service lost.
Since  they get to keep the name,  the national  postal service has  been
compensated by  allowing them to  divest themselves of the  Pony  Express
service,  which has been a great  burden on them what with having to feed
the horses and all.   This will make the  Pony Express  a fully separated
service from USMail,  and will  allow the  Pony Express  to venture forth
into new technological  areas previously  unentered by the Postal Service
due to  governmental  regulation.   These areas will  include the  use of
modern  equipment  for sorting  and filing  pieces of mail  employing new
technologies such as electricity,  the use of  well-trained and  literate
personnel  to route mail to its proper destination,  and the  development
of a  new service  which will  guarantee  (for a fee)  that the  mail you
send  will   arrive  at  its  intended   destination  in  readable/usable
condition.   (No guarantee  is made  regarding how long  it takes for the
mail to arrive,  and trampling or  other mutilation of the mail by horses
is not covered under the guarantee.)

One problem with the new scheme is that, without the financial support of
the national  postal service,  the RPOCs  may not have  enough capital to
survive in  the new  marketplace.   Thus local mail  rates will  probably
increase in  the near future.   However,  long distance  mail rates  will
generally fall  into line with the rates  of competing carrier  services,
which means that, more than likely, they will go up as well...
-- 
"I'm not dead yet!"
"Oh, don't be such a baby!"	Rich Rosen    pyuxn!rlr