Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site ssc-vax.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!zehntel!hplabs!tektronix!uw-beaver!ssc-vax!marla
From: marla@ssc-vax.UUCP (Marla S Baer)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: REAL PROGRAMMERS...
Message-ID: <52@ssc-vax.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 10-Apr-84 17:20:46 EST
Article-I.D.: ssc-vax.52
Posted: Tue Apr 10 17:20:46 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 13-Apr-84 07:43:29 EST
Organization: Boeing Aerospace, Seattle
Lines: 55

(*&%$#@^%*&  DIE YOU STINKING BUG!!!!)

I wish I could take credit for this, but (fortunately :-) ) I can't.
One of the people I work with gave me a copy of this, I don't know
where they got it from.


}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write specs - users should consider
themselves lucky to get any programs at all and take what they get.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't comment their code.  If it was hard to write,
it should be hard to understand.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write applications programs, they program
right down on the bare metal.  Applications programming is for feebs
who can't do system programming.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies, and Szechwan
food.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy
applications programmers.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS' programs never work right the first time.  But if
you throw them on the machine they can be patched into working in
"only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in FORTRAN.  FORTRAN is for pipe
stress freaks and crystallography weenies.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS never work 9 to 5.  If any real programmers are
around at 9am, it's because they were up all night.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in BASIC.  Actually, no programmers
write in BASIC after the age of 12.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in PL/1.  PL/1 is for programmers who
can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't play tennis, or any other sport that
requires you to change clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real
programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain
should suddenly sprong up in the middle of the machine room.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't document.  Documentation is for simps who
can't read the listings or the object deck.

}REAL PROGRAMMERS don't write in PASCAL, or BLISS, or ADA, or LISP,
or any of those pinko computer science languages.  Strong typing is
for people with weak memories.


Marla S. Baer
ssc-vax!marla