From: utzoo!decvax!harpo!floyd!vax135!ariel!hou5f!hou5b!hou5c!hou5e!hou5a!hou5d!hogpc!houxm!houxz!hocda!spanky!burl!duke!unc!tim
Newsgroups: net.movies
Title: Return of the Jedi (review followed by SPOILER)
Article-I.D.: unc.5178
Posted: Sat May  7 19:36:05 1983
Received: Tue May 17 21:26:13 1983


Non-spoiler: Return of the Jedi looks like the best of the Star Wars
movies yet. However, I didn't like the first one much, so our tastes
may well differ. The comic book is great! Buy it as soon as you get
a chance (which may be sooner than the people at Lucasfilms would like,
but never mind that). This sort of story comes out very well in a comic
book format, possibly better than on the screen.

Warning! This article gives away plot details of Return of the Jedi!
If you feel that your enjoyment of the movie would be spoiled by this,
don't read it! And don't send me hate mail! And don't read this on a
hard copy terminal!

This is your last chance to turn back.

Seriously, here it comes now, so if you've got any misgivings, stop.

First, I know what you've all been wondering. This question has been
asked repeatedly and annoyingly since The Empire Strikes Back came out.
Well, finally, here's the answer...

Yoda is 900 years old.

Oh, that's not it, is it? OK, you asked for it. The "other" mentioned in
The Empire Strikes Back is Darth Vader's other child -- Princess Leia!
Yes, that's right. Sure, this is weak, but I didn't write it. How did
Darth Vader fail to notice she was his kid when he was interrogating her?

This part should come as no surprise: the good guys win. The Empire falls,
the new Death Star they are building is destroyed by the heroic actions
of the leads, and there is a big party at the end.

The first thing that happens is the rescue of Han Solo. Without going
into the details, the plan is ridiculous and has no right to work, and
of course the lead characters are continually remarking on this fact.

As mentioned, the Empire is building a new Death Star. (Presumably they
have not neglected basic computer checks of the design this time.) The
rebels learn of this, and determine that it is sparsely guarded right
now, since it is still in construction and the Imperial Fleet is spread
out through the galaxy playing hide-and-go-seek with the rebels. However,
it is protected by an impenetrable force screen generated from a nearby
planet. The plan is this: Our Heroes sneak onto the planet and deactivate
the force screen, so that the rebel fleet can assault the Death Star.
Specifically, they are to fly inside the unfinished shell of the battle
station and destroy the main reactor (which, it turns out later, is fueled
solely by tons of womp rats). Then, hopefully, they can get out before the
transformation of the Death Star into an incredibly loud sound effect
is complete.

Needless to say, this is not as simple as they'd hoped. I won't reveal
the details of the mission, but remember, the good guys win and there's
a big party (with some little aliens) at the end. I hope I've served more
to whet your appetite for the movie than spoil it for you, but remember,
you were warned! And to the guys at Lucasfilms: please don't come down
too hard on Marvel for blowing it; you'll make just as much money on
the film anyway and you know it.