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From: paveleck@ihldt.UUCP (Bob Paveleck)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: Several Concerns
Message-ID: <2323@ihldt.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 12-Apr-84 09:53:57 EST
Article-I.D.: ihldt.2323
Posted: Thu Apr 12 09:53:57 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 13-Apr-84 08:27:59 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 54

This is in regard to your getting involved with a woman much younger
than yourself.  Although I don't have any experience MYSELF with this
situation, I DO have family members to whom it applies.

My sister (who is 22) started dating her husband (who is 31) several
years ago.  Even though, in your case, both of you are adults (my sister
was only 14 when she started dating my brother-in-law), some of the
same concerns may still apply.

(1) You should consider the differences in (at least some) of your
    interests and experiences.  Since your MOTOS is only 18, she
    may, in many ways, still think like a high-school girl (with the
    naivete and adolescent logic implied in that statement).  This
    is not meant as an insult to her, but she might have no idea
    how to act when she's with you (which might be embarrassing to
    you both).  Furthermore, she may have no idea why you might be
    interested in, say, dinner and a theater outing instead of just
    going to a movie or a party (simply because other guys she dated,
    who were probably closer to her age, may have only been
    interested in things like movies and parties).

(2) You should consider the impact your age difference may have on
    both of your families and groups of friends.  Parents might be
    less than enthusiastic about your dating, so you should be prepared
    to deal with what may be a hostile attitude toward you (even though
    you treat each other well).  In my sister's case, my parents were
    VERY upset about the age difference, even though my brother-in-law
    was (and still is) really good to my sister.  As far as friends go,
    both of you might have a problem trying to introduce the other person
    to the group.  Your friends (assuming they're your age) might be
    bothered that your girlfriend can't go out with them for a few drinks
    (if she's not of legal drinking age), while her friends might be
    a little distant toward you (as you're not a peer, but not exactly
    a father-figure either).  There was some discomfort on both sides
    when my sister and brother-in-law started dating, but
    fortunately, it soon worked itself out.

(3) Finally (and most importantly), you should consider what YOU
    (collectively) want.  If you both have a lot of common interests
    and are comfortable with each other, then your relationship can
    be nothing but a good thing.  Don't feel that you're strange or
    "desperate" because you're dating a much younger woman (this may
    be hard to do if you're already getting flak about it).  In my
    brother-in-law's case, he dated other women his age and was tired
    of being treated like dirt (so a younger woman might really be
    MUCH MORE grown-up than some supposedly more adult women).  Just
    keep doing what you both feel is right and what you both are
    comfortable with.  I don't think anyone can argue with you too
    much if you (both) are happy with yourselves!

I hope this helps.  Good luck!

						Bob Paveleck
						ihldt!paveleck