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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: several concerns (I hope I remember them all)
Message-ID: <850@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 13-Apr-84 12:25:02 EST
Article-I.D.: nsc.850
Posted: Fri Apr 13 12:25:02 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 15-Apr-84 01:44:27 EST
References: <661@pucc-h>
Organization: National Semiconductor, Sunnyvale
Lines: 74

Jeff:

Side comment before I start: Thinking of small talk as small talk is 
inhibiting. Thinking of it as conversation might help (you don't make small
talk with your friends and co-workers, why make small talk with your date?
There really isn't any difference between any of those situations...)

Now, for the biggie: AGE

I think too many people put too much stock in age as a deciding factor to
life. The important factor is not age, but maturity. In ancient history,
back when I was 14, I dated a young lady of 24. We both had a good feeling
with the situation, but we kept the relationship very quiet because we
realized that most people would not understand the foundation the
relationship was on. If she had not failed a saving roll vs. automobile
accidents, I firmly believe we would still be together today. If you and
she feel that comfortable with the situation, ignore the age difference.
You should be wary that some people will insist on making social comments
or jokes at you, but these people are easily ignored if you are comfortable
with the situation. The only factor that counts is whether the two of you
are happy together.

As far as deciding what you want in a mate, if you ever discover the
answer, you can make a fortune. Of course, if we ever get a definitive
answer we can put it on a computer and take all of the fun out of it... :->
As someone who is in the process of becoming unmarried (actually, except
for the state of California and their interminable paperwork, I am
unmarried...) I have decided that the only reason I might want to get
married again (and I do, as a matter of fact, and will continue doing so
until I get it right! :-) is if I want to stay with that person for the
rest of my life and if I feel that the relationship is such that we will
both continue to grow and feed off of each other. Any other reason for
getting married is a travesty, because it lacks permanence. The one thing I
have learned is that love is definitely not enough of a reason to get
married.

I heartily recommend Boynton cards. I seem to spend inordinate amounts of
money posting silly things to people who are a little too far away to say
the silly things in person... (right, Gene? Oh, By the way, Gene, the Czech
is in the mail!).

I'd like to some comments on what Greg Woods said:

    I can't afford to be choosy. Opportunities do not come along for me
    all that often. If there is more good than bad in a relationship and
    you have nothing else better, then it is worth sticking with it.

I think you ought to be choosy. You deserve the best. We all deserve the
best, and when we settle for less than that we are cheating ourselves.
Opportunities come rarely for everyone, and if you are in a less than
perfect situation when it knocks, you may have just aced yourself out of
something truly worthwhile. Being alone isn't nearly as bad as being with
someone you aren't truly happy with, especially when you consider that if
you are alone and the right person comes along, there aren't any loose ends
that need tying up. If you met Ms. Wright tomorrow, could you in all
honesty break out of your current relationship and go galavanting off to
paradise with no feelings of guilt? Probably not. Chances are you would
probably let the right person go away forever rather than risk your
involvement with the almost right person you have. That's a tragedy, for
your, for your Significant Other (who might also let Mr. Right pass by for
the same reason) and for your Significant Other That Could Have Been, who
will probably never know what a neat person you are. Besides, if you are
locked in a relationship, how are you going to MEET this perfect person? 

Here's hoping my foot stays on the ground where it belongs,
chuq

-- 
From under the bar at Callahan's:		Chuq Von Rospach
{amd70,fortune,hplabs,menlo70}!nsc!chuqui	(408) 733-2600 x242

To work it out I let them in; All the good guys and the bad guys that I've been;
All the devils that disturbed me, and the angels that defeated them somehow; 
Come together in me now.