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From: nerad@closus.DEC
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re:  Feminism and a double standard(?)
Message-ID: <6927@decwrl.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 6-Apr-84 17:30:30 EST
Article-I.D.: decwrl.6927
Posted: Fri Apr  6 17:30:30 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 7-Apr-84 12:02:27 EST
Organization: DEC Engineering Network
Lines: 74

!libation to the [p/m]atron god[dess] of mysteriae businessi (sic)

I have known many women who have been valued in business environments, not 
only for their technical competance, but for their inter-personal skills.  I 
am not trying to say that ALL women have better inter-personal skills than ALL 
men, but I do believe that among the engineers that I know, this is a very 
strong trend.

Perhaps technical women are generally better at inter-personal skills than 
their male counterparts because technical disciplines are often nurtured in 
the young of this country to the neglect of social skills--ergo the 
stereotypical "nerd" (please, no one make puns on my last name--it's been 
done).  Many of the women of my generation came into technical training and 
disciplines late in life, due to the soft discouragement of women from going 
into technical fields.  Their inter-personal skills might therefore have a 
firmer foundation.

Part of good inter-personal relations is sensitivity to the "language" which 
is appropriate to your audience--in linguistics called a "register."  You 
should no sooner speak to your m.s.p. engineer on an assertive feminist basis 
than you should speak in technical jargon to a person you know is not familiar 
with your field.  In neither case will you impress or evoke a positive 
reaction from the individual--you will not effectively communicate.  In both
cases, the person will shut you out, and condemn you as insensitive to that 
person's {experience, station, intelligence, life orientation...}, whether or 
not he realizes WHY he is really shutting you out.

Inter-sexual undertones are not flirting.  I would not overtly flirt with a
co-worker I was not interested in, but there are many degrees of male-female
interaction which can have the "flavor" of inter-sexual communication without
being sexual communication. 

Example:  A male engineer explains software tool source to me.  If I make a
point to tilt my head and smile while I am listening to a [possibly boring or
reluctant] technical explication of a piece of code, it shows my interest.  It
gives the man a better feeling about having to go over the same material with
another person another time.  This is true whether or not the man is a
chauvinist. The behavior is characteristically "woman approving of man." 

I consider it no more than another means of communication, which I happen to
be a skilled enough communicator to use safely and effectively, much as an
eloquent speaker uses his language. Some women consider this flirting, since I
am consciously manipulating this man by being a woman and acting in a manner
with which men are taught to be very pleased when treated to such attention. 
If I did it unconsciously, then it would probably be "OK." 

Yet some of the same women will teach "women's networking skills," which are a 
skill set put together to:

    	(a)  exploit women's adaptation of traditional man-man business/social
    		skills  (including clubs, old girl networks, women's room 
    		conferences)

    	(b)  fine tune women's [business]/social woman-woman skills, so as to
    		facilitate greater communication and cooperation between women 
    		in the workplace (mostly by fostering an us-them rivalry 
    		between men and women in the workplace, whether consciously or
    		not).

If the mention is made of exploiting traditional woman-man [business]/social 
skills, then flamish discussions (along the lines of this one) tend to erupt.

I can not agree more with Sherry Mann, who states, "[all women] have a
responsibility to their jobs before any responsibility to the educating of
chauvinists."  I would no sooner push unwonted feminist dogma on a co-worker
than I would push any other set of morals on him.  I do not believe that my
being a woman is important either way to the work I do.  But the fact that my
work is done well, my co-workers enjoy working with me, and that I take pride
in my work--this is all anyone needs to look at. 


    			Shava Nerad
    			Telematic Systems (@DEC Ed. Svcs.)
    			{decvax, allegra}!decwrl!rhea!closus!nerad