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From: welsch@houxu.UUCP (Larry Welsch)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Inter-sexual undertones
Message-ID: <353@houxu.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 7-Apr-84 11:40:34 EST
Article-I.D.: houxu.353
Posted: Sat Apr  7 11:40:34 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 8-Apr-84 01:33:11 EST
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 44

I am really bemused and surprised by an article by Shava Nerad on "Re:
Feminism and a double standard(?)."  To quote the example given

	Example:  A male engineer explains software tool
	source to me.  If I make a point to tilt my head and
	smile while I am listening to a [possibly boring or
	reluctant] technical explication of a piece of code,
	it shows my interest.  It gives the man a better
	feeling about having to go over the same material with
	another person another time.  This is true whether or
	not the man is a chauvinist. The behavior is
	characteristically "woman approving of man." 

To be interested in what a colleague you are working with is doing and to
act that way is not "woman approving of man."  To act interested if you
are not is phony.  This holds for all interpersonal relationships
regardless of the sexes involved.  

	I consider it no more than another means of
	communication, which I happen to be a skilled enough
	communicator to use safely and effectively, much as an
	eloquent speaker uses his language. Some women
	consider this flirting, since I am consciously
	manipulating this man by being a woman and acting in a
	manner with which men are taught to be very pleased
	when treated to such attention.  If I did it
	unconsciously, then it would probably be "OK." 

The problem with acting differently than you feel is that you will
eventually be found out to be a phony.  Then you will become the
manipulated person as opposed to the the manipulator.  But being
interested in your colleagues work, having respect for their abilities,
and enjoying them a people has long been part of the work environment.  It
seems like a shame that some women find it necessary to put on an act.

There is a difference between this behavior, and behavior where a woman
consciously/accidently leaves a few extra buttons undone on her dress for
the boss, or takes a client to dinner in her hotel room while dressed in
an evening gown.  The distinction lies in would (s)he behave this way with
a member of the same sex.  

					Larry Welsch
					houxu!welsch