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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!harpo!decvax!decwrl!sun!plx!sandy
From: sandy@plx.UUCP (sandy)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: why do women pretend to be interested
Message-ID: <137@plx.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 17-Apr-84 16:38:43 EST
Article-I.D.: plx.137
Posted: Tue Apr 17 16:38:43 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 18-Apr-84 08:23:11 EST
Organization: Plexus Computers, Santa Clara, CA
Lines: 55


   I read net.women yesterday for the first time in  a  while.   For
   hours after, I found myself thinking about what I had read.  Then
   I realized it had made me angry.
   
   The men writing (all men, as usual, in the articles I read)  were
   very  moralistically  concerned  about  what  they  construed  as
   women's failure to behave "equally".  They  said  it's  phony  or
   amoral  or  immoral  for a woman to ``pretend'' interest if she's
   really not interested.
   
   Let's get real here.
   
   Back when I was a liberal arts Phi Beta  Kappa  college  graduate
   working  as  a  waitress,  secretary, etc., -- this was the early
   70's -- it was PART OF THE JOB to make nice to  male  bosses  and
   customers.  By  "make  nice"  I  mean,  I  guess,  what  you call
   "pretending interest". I remember this quite distinctly because I
   had  a feminist consciousness then as now, and was fired from one
   waitress job, where the clientele was mainly businessmen, for not
   being "outgoing" enough.  The boss said I didn't smile enough and
   my skirt wasn't short enough.   (Nobody  mentioned  skirt  length
   when  I  hired on.) Nothing was mentioned about the quality of my
   work, which was, I think, perfectly acceptable.  My tips were  no
   different from anyone else's.
   
   This upset me quite a  bit,  since  I  was  in  pretty  desparate
   straits  financially  (as  women alone tend to be). I submit that
   WOMEN'S FINANCIAL REALITY dictates a lot if the behavior you guys
   find  so  distasteful.  The jobs that are available for women are
   very often these sorts of service jobs, where you  make  nice  or
   you  don't  work.   I  would like to think that my experience was
   unusual, but I've read and heard too many similar stories.
   
   Behave as an equal? Are you kidding?  Women in these jobs walk  a
   tightrope.   They  have to be pleasant, but not TOO pleasant, or,
   God forbid, they might offend  people  like  you.   And  behaving
   "like an equal" is out of the question; "you want to keep working
   here, honey?"
   
   You all will say this wasn't what you meant; you're talking about
   women who REALLY ARE equal behaving as though they're not, right?
   Well, of course in some metaphysical  sense  women  "really  are"
   equal  to  men, and of course there are some (few, I think) women
   who seem to EXPERIENCE themselves that way (Laura Creighton comes
   to  mind).  But it seems to me that for most of us, behaving like
   men's equals is not a habit; it still just does not seem like  an
   option in many situations.  It doesn't even occur to us.  Most of
   us, much of the time, feel like we walk the same tightrope as the
   waitress or receptionist.
   
   
   Sandy LaFave