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From: edhall@randvax.ARPA (Ed Hall)
Newsgroups: net.women
Subject: Re: why do women pretend to be interested
Message-ID: <1768@randvax.ARPA>
Date: Thu, 19-Apr-84 17:14:30 EST
Article-I.D.: randvax.1768
Posted: Thu Apr 19 17:14:30 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 23-Apr-84 01:06:22 EST
References: <137@plx.UUCP>
Organization: Rand Corp., Santa Monica
Lines: 35

+
As one of the people Sandy seems to be attacking (well, it *feels* like
it) for an unrealistic viewpoint, let me just state that my opinion on
phoniness is far broader than just this issue.  I probably wouldn't make
it very far in the business world because of this.  But I'm not going to
push my private morals onto anyone else; some people I like and have
great respect for know how to `play the game' and play it well.

My observation that `you can't achieve moral ends by amoral means' was
perhaps a bit too preachy.  But in this case I think there are very
realistic reasons why it is true.  On an individual basis, being able
to exploit your sexual nature to get ahead in business can get you
exactly that--ahead in business.  But it means that other women will
then have to play the same game, and you will have to continue playing
it as well.  And you'll be perpetuating the very stereotypes you are
trying to overcome.

Also, if you play the game long enough you have a good chance of finding
that someone has `gotten the wrong idea' and wants more than just a
little flirtation--and is willing to make things miserable in all sorts
of ways until you submit or find a way around. (And before someone jumps
on me for it, I don't believe that much sexual harrassment is invited by
the woman.  But it seems that a flirtatious woman has a lot harder time
fighting it, both officially and interpersonally.  I don't like this at
all, but I'm trying to be `realistic'.)

So far as seeming `interested', in a non-sexual way, in people, I think
you'll find that both male and female waiters have this required of
them.  The sexism is in the way women are `prefered' for these sorts of
jobs, and not the jobs themselves.  Besides, being pleasant and having
respect for your fellow persons is hardly sex-based or phony.  If you
have to fake it, there is something wrong.

		-Ed Hall
		decvax!randvax!edhall