Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!harpo!decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!jnw From: jnw@uvacs.UUCP Newsgroups: net.bicycle Subject: Joe Bike V2#1 railing about toe clips & straps Message-ID: <1272@uvacs.UUCP> Date: Tue, 1-May-84 12:23:41 EDT Article-I.D.: uvacs.1272 Posted: Tue May 1 12:23:41 1984 Date-Received: Thu, 3-May-84 08:20:28 EDT Lines: 59 Joe Bike V2#1 "In which Joe Bike rails about Toe Clips and Straps" Joe Bike's ears have been offended by the recent abuse of bike jargon that has recently swept the net.bicycle newsgroup. Now, I'll admit that I'm bein' somewhat pedantic, but I just can't stand to hear all this claptrap about toe "TRAPS." Every homeowner knows that a toe trap is what you put on your floor behind the Frigidaire(TM) to catch all those toes that run around the house at night chewin' holes in your walls and eatin' cereal from out of the bottom of the box. On the subject of toe clips and straps though -- Joe Bike has been ridin' for a long time and he knows a lot of the special secrets that only the few are privy to, such as exactly how much heat to apply to the peanut butter when breakin' in your Brooks saddle. He also knows that toe clips and straps are USED BY EVERY REAL BIKIE AT ALL TIMES! Welllll, leastwise when you're on your bike. These little devices are the second most wonderful invention known to man. (You Evelyn Rainbird catalog owners know what the most wonderful one is.) What do these little tootsie torture chambers do for ya'? They keep your feet on the pedals and keep you pedalin' in circles. They don't do you a blamed bit o good if you don't tighten 'em down. Now I don't mean you have tighten 'em till your toes turn blue, but you want 'em tight enough so that you have to yank -- HARD -- to pull your foot out. Now every once in a while I see a greenhorn pushin' a 200 inch gear, arches of both feet planted firmly on the bottoms of his pedals, toe clips scrapin' the ground with every revolution ("SCREEK-SCREEK-SCREEK"). I used to figure it was my civic duty to explain how these noisemakers should be used correctly. But I figgered out that these non-bikie types don't care about how they can improve their ridin' style. They figger, "I learned to ride a bike when I was seven. I mean, you never forget how to do that." Well, I say leave 'em alone. Ignore 'em best as possible. You can wince when you see 'em makin' some bozo move, but don't try to correct 'em cuz IT WON'T WORK! A word about SAFETY --- Anyone who thinks that havin' your feet strapped on the pedals is unsafe is WRONG-O. How fast can you do anything to keep yourself safe by pullin' your feet off the pedals? Well if you're like me, then the fastest you can do that is about 5 mph. Any faster, and you'll probably break your leg tryin' to stop yourself. You can loosen correctly installed toe straps with one flick of the index finger (takes about 1/2 second). The first week you try ridin' with your feet strapped in is a just a mite hairy. I'll admit it takes about one good topple at a red light to remember that you have your feet strapped in (look around like an embarrassed cat to see if anyone saw you fall). The only bruise you'll get will be to your ego though. After that, no problem. If you're willin' to risk that one topple at 0 mph, then you're ready for the big time. Fame and glory can be yours. You too can become a real bikie. Joe Bike Charlottesville, Virginia USENET: ...uvacs!jnw CSNET: jnw@uvacs ARPANET: jnw.uvacs@csnet-relay