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From: paul@uiucuxc.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.consumers
Subject: Re: Re: Door to door salesmen - (nf)
Message-ID: <34200002@uiucuxc.UUCP>
Date: Fri, 23-Mar-84 14:43:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: uiucuxc.34200002
Posted: Fri Mar 23 14:43:00 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 21-May-84 03:47:20 EDT
References: <236@opus.UUCP>
Lines: 79
Nf-ID: #R:opus:-23600:uiucuxc:34200002:000:2242
Nf-From: uiucuxc!paul    Mar 23 22:43:00 1984

#R:opus:-23600:uiucuxc:34200002:000:2242
uiucuxc!paul    Mar 23 22:43:00 1984

> /***** uiucuxc:net.consumers / gummo!ber /  5:51 am  Mar 20, 1984 */
> Threatening to slam the door in one's face seems rather mild.
> If you're really serious about it, use the sign that cautions:
> 
> 	    Warning - No Trespassing!
> 	    Violators Will Be Shot!
> 	    Survivors Will Be Prosecuted!

Actually my favorite was something put together with the aid of the
Devil's Dictionary (by Ambrose Bierce - a mild man suitable for pre-
teenagers :-))
******
.sp |1i
.po .405i
.ll 6.25i
.hy 14
.di A
.ft B
.if t .vs 43.2p
.ps 36

.ce 3
WARNING!

Solicitors will be shot;
.br
Trespassers will be violated.

.di
.di B
.ps 9
.vs 10.8p
These include Moonies, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Krishniks,
Catholics, Christian Scientists, Born Again types, Jesus Freaks of any stripe,
divines, ecclesiastics, popes, parsons, canons, monks, mullahs, voodoos,
presbyters, hierophants, obeah-men, abb\o'e\(aa's, nuns,
missionaries, exhorters, deacons, friars, hadjis, high-priests, muezzins,
brahmins, medicine-men, confessors, eminences, elders, primates, prelates,
pilgrims, prophets, imaums, archbishops, bishops, abbots, priors,
preachers, padres, caloyers, palmers, curates, patriarchs,
bonezs, santons, beadsman, residentiaries, diocesans, deans, subdeans,
rural deans, abdals, charm-sellers, archdeacons, hierarchs, class-leaders,
incumbents, capitulars, sheiks, talapoins, postulants, scribes, gurus,
precentors, beadles, fakeers, sextons, reverences, revivalists,
cenobites, perpetual curates, chaplains, mudjoes, readers, novices,
vicars, pastors, rabbis, ulemas, lamas, sacristans, vergers, dervises,
lectors, church wardens, cardinals, suffragans, acolytes, rectors,
cur\o'e\(aa's, sophis, mutifs, pumpums
and any other sky pilots seeking
to aquire a share of my wealth and/or my hypothetical soul.

This also includes frat-rats and other assholes on general principles.
.sp .5i
.di
.ps 36
.ll 7.1i
.TS
expand doublebox;
l.
.in .425i
.A
.B
.in
.TE
.sp 1i
.ab
******

As it appears, the religious solicitors were the problem in my neighborhood.

         Paul Pomes

uucp:    {decvax,ihnp4,pur-ee,ucbvax}!uiucdcs!uiucuxc!paul
US Mail: Paul Pomes, University of Illinois
         1304 W Springfield, Urbana, IL  61801
Phone:   217-333-6262