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From: ignatz@ihuxx.UUCP (Dave Ihnat, Chicago, IL)
Newsgroups: net.followup
Subject: Re: Boring answering machine recordings
Message-ID: <751@ihuxx.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 22-May-84 12:58:09 EDT
Article-I.D.: ihuxx.751
Posted: Tue May 22 12:58:09 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 23-May-84 19:26:05 EDT
References: <616@ihuxe.UUCP>
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Naperville, IL
Lines: 50

Actually, there are two sides to this.  I've enjoyed acting and
writing skits for about seven years now, and am a (somewhat GAFIAting)
member of a science-fiction comedy improv group, Moebius Theatre.
Naturally, when I got my answering machine, I realized that here was a
thirty-second skit in the making.  Thus, my messages have covered such
topics and themes as:

	-The Great Cappucino Fission Reactor Disaster.  Upon my purchasing
	 a La Pavoni Espresso/Cappucino machine, I caught a lot of the
	 'what in the world does it *do*?' and 'Ghods!  It looks like a
	 Scottish Engineer's nightmare!'.  (FYI, this is the same machine
	 that James Bond demonstrated to M in one of the last couple of
	 movies (after hiding the young lady).  M's response was
	 typical--after the ritual of making the espresso, steaming the
	 milk, etc., he stared, dumbfounded, and said 'Is that *all* it
	 does??')  Thus, with this type of lead-in, I concocted a 10 or
	 12-part series of messages divulging that this thing was really a
	 Cappucino Fission Reactor--but something had gone wrong, Dave and
	 John are somewhat busy decontam--er, working in the kitchen--etc.
	 This escalated, as you can imagine.  I finally quit either during the
	 China Syndrome, or the Mutant Invasion of the Living Room...

	-Topical Holiday Items.  This has usually been accompanied by
	 background effects, such as Elton John's 'Funeral for a Friend'
	 (it that the right title? Oh, well, you know which one I mean)
	 when my long-suffering knife fish died, or a Bela Lugosi duet
	 with my friend John on Halloween.  (Cuteness is punishable by a
	 visit by the shade of A. G. Bell.)

	-One shots.  For instance, the current message (somewhat stale, so
	 it won't be around for long) covers the attack by the Wild Killer 
	 Yeast Cells that invaded my beer vats.  For a friend who
	 complained that he couldn't come up with anything, we worked up a
	 Three Stooges skit using--count 'em!--four people.  (It took 4
	 takes, though)

In general, just keep in mind that you have 30 seconds to get in a
real message--always give a name, and admonish the caller to leave a
message-- expository material, some development, and the wrapup.
Practice..it gets easier.

What was the other side I mentioned?  Just that you'll get a *lot* of
no-message calls from friends of people who have heard about your
messages.  The topper was this last message--I'd called MicroPro in
California about a WordStar problem, and when the tech engineer called
back and heard the message, she told others about it.  I was later
told that the entire group called--and I believe it!

			Dave Ihnat
			ihuxx!ignatz