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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!akgua!mcnc!decvax!ittvax!dcdwest!sdcsvax!noscvax!sloane
From: sloane@noscvax.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.general
Subject: UNIVACKY
Message-ID: <432@noscvax.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 7-May-84 10:13:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: noscvax.432
Posted: Mon May  7 10:13:05 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 8-May-84 07:18:52 EDT
Organization: Naval Ocean Systems Center
Lines: 72

This is it!!! I finally got a copy, and because all of you requested it
(over 40 responses!!!) I am posting it to the net. I apologize for putting
it in net.general, but we don't get net.poetry, and I want to make sure
that everyone gets it so I don't have to post it twice...

UNIVACKY (with apologies to Lewis Carrol)
(author unknown by me... gks)

Twas BRKPT and the I/O queue
was symming FASTRAND like the wind.
All idle was the CPU
as the E jobs had just finned.

"Beware the UNIVAC, my son!
It's FASTRAND and it's high speed drum,
and fieldata, and listen for
the CTMC's hum."

He quickly dialed a high-speed line,
and then keyed in his site-id.
He typed @RUN and then sat back
to wield his CRT.

*NO ACTIVE RUN* it answered back,
and *WAITING ON FACILITY*,
*BAD STATUS WORD FROM CSF*,
and then just *SYMB 03*.

"I'll fix you now!" he shouted out,
"You've finally got me ired!
I'll use the system's terminal,
1200 baud, hard wired!"

"I'll write a loop in SSG
to make your ferrite holler!
1000 runs, and in  each one
10 ER's to FORK$!"

"Each fork", he smiled, "@ADDs 10 files!
Each file starts 10 runs more;
each run contains 10 COBOL jobs
to crunch along in core!"

"Each job will write 10 9-track tapes,
and then rewind and read them.
Each tape, of course, is punched to cards
for backup, if I need them."

As fast as light, his fingers write:
@SETC, then @TEST, @JUMP,
@XQT, (and then for spite)
a full post-mortem dump.

He wiped his hands upon his shirt,
and then he finned his run,
and scurried to the console -
to sit and watch the fun.

*MEMORY FAULT* the system cried,
and *PARITY-07 ADG*,
*PANIC DUMP IMPOSSIBLE*,
and *ERROR 53*.

"Oh frabjous day! Callou! Callay!
I've made the system stall!"
He tore it from the pagewriter,
and taped it in the hall.

Twas BRKPT and the I/O queue
was symming FASTRAND like the wind.
All idle was the CPU
as the E jobs had just finned.