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From: lebowitz@aecom.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Groaner to the Max
Message-ID: <675@aecom.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 28-May-84 01:37:41 EDT
Article-I.D.: aecom.675
Posted: Mon May 28 01:37:41 1984
Date-Received: Thu, 31-May-84 19:59:10 EDT
Organization: Albert Einstein Coll. of Med., NY
Lines: 38

I saw this one in the last issue of "The Peter Schickele Rag"...

	One year, Santa Claus walked into his workshop and announced a shocking
bit of news to his elves.  "Elves, fewer and fewer people believe in me with
every passing year, and I think it's time we did something about it.  I have
recorded animal sounds from around the world, and since people these days seem
to go for cute things, I want you to come up with some animals to match these
sounds.  Then we can do some animated TV spots."  With that, he handed the
Chief Elf a tape cassette and left.  A man of few words is Santa, but loveable
just the same - sort of like Clint Eastwood.
	The elves got down to work right away.  The first sound was a *Woof*.
"What sound should we give the *Woof*?" asked the Chief Elf.  
	"How 'bout a cute little puppy?" somebody piped up.  Everyone was in
full agreement except the 12th elf, Elf Zwelf.
	"Why not a coyote?" he said.
	"No, no, no!" said everyone else, not necessarily in unison.  "Give the
*Woof* a puppy-dog face!"
	The next sound was a *Grunt*.  Sure enough, someone suggested a cute 
little piggy.  Everyone except Elf Zwelf was satisfied.  "How about a 
hippopotamus?  They grunt!"  But once again, he was overruled.
	The next sound was a loud *ROAR!*.  As you probably expect, one elf
wanted a cute little lion face, and everyone else agreed.  This time Elf Zwelf
got angry.  "You guys are a bunch of wimps and squares!!  The first thing you
hear, the most obvious thing is what you all go with!  If you want to get 
peoples' attention, you have to surprise them."
	"OK, wise-guy," the others replied, "what would you give the *ROAR!*?"
	Elf Zwelf thought a moment.  "I'd give it the face of Alice, from
"Alice in Wonderland."  There was an outcry, and soon everyone was arguing, but
the uproar only served to make him bolder.  "Not only that," he said after the
noise died a little, "but I'd make her look like a wild boar.  That would 
really freak everyone out!"
	It took the Chief Elf 10 minutes to quiet the pandemonium that ensued.
"Elf Zwelf," he shouted, "this time you've gone too far!  You simply cannot
give a roar a boary Alice!!!"


Warned ya, didn't I???