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From: jorge@parallel.UUCP (Jorge Gustavson)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: Urinalysis only $5 - pretty raunchy.
Message-ID: <187@parallel.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 28-May-84 21:01:30 EDT
Article-I.D.: parallel.187
Posted: Mon May 28 21:01:30 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 1-Jun-84 08:23:27 EDT
Lines: 32


	Well, this guy was having some trouble with his elbow, and since
he'd been playing quite a bit of tennis lately, thought he should have it
checked by a doctor.  His wife, however, had heard about a marvelous new
machine.  It seems that the drugstores now have a vending-type machine
to perform automated urinalysis, and for just five bucks at that.

	Our man was skeptical to say the least, but also being the frugal
type, decided to give it a whirl.  Down the store he went with his urine
sample and a crisp $5 bill.  Sticks the bill in the machine. "Deposit 
sample in chute."  Whir, whir, click, blink, think, DING!  A small slip of
paper emerges from the printout slot:

	You have tennis elbow! Elevate you arm for thirty minutes a
	day, twice a day for three weeks, and you symptoms should
	subside.

Well goldang! It seemed just too smart for any machine to be, and our
hero decides that he'll pull a fast one on the machine.  So, he goes
home, pees in his sample bottle, then gives it to his wife and daughter
to do the same.  He then takes the bottle, now getting quite full, and 
jacks off into it; just for good measure, he also drops in a dropping
left by the family dog, Ronnie R.

	Feeling confident and thoroughly satisfied that he will confound
the machine, he runs down to the store with bottle and bill in hand to
reap the rewards of his scheme.  He once again inserts the bill.  "Deposit
sample in chute."  Whir whir, click, blink, think, think, think, THINK,
DING DING!  The diagnosis emerges:

	BAD NEWS PAL! Your wife has the clap, your daughter's
	pregnant, your dog has worms, and if you don't quit
	jackin' off, you tennis elbow will never get better!