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From: pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Handling A Child & Two Working Parents???
Message-ID: <2251@hplabsb.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 3-May-84 12:29:39 EDT
Article-I.D.: hplabsb.2251
Posted: Thu May  3 12:29:39 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 9-May-84 03:01:21 EDT
References: <952@bmcg.UUCP>, <1077@ihuxl.UUCP>
Organization: Hewlett Packard Labs, Palo Alto CA
Lines: 77


	Let me describe our routine (which still has some bugs in it!).

6 AM:	Dad gives baby a bottle while Mom showers,
	then Dad and baby shower together while Mom dresses.
	Mom dresses baby while Dad dresses.  (Notice the detail of the
	choreography.)  ...breakfast, lunches made,
8 AM:	and out the door TOGETHER.  Mom takes baby to his Day Care Center.
	work...work...work/work...work...work.../play...nap...play
5 PM:	Mom leaves work, picks up baby
6 PM:	Dad leaves work, Mom feeds baby
6:30 PM: Dad makes dinner while Mom plays with baby (or roles reverse)
7:30 PM: dinner is usually ready just as baby is ready for bed (a Murphian
		Lemma)
8:30 PM: baby's in bed; dishes are usually ignored; bills stack up;
		some "sanity" time is in order (more hacking, personal
		correspondence, reading,...)

	Previous bug fixes/compromises:
	1. Cleaning person(s) come in once every two weeks to do the
		heavy-duty cleaning			$80/mo.
	2. Baby-sitting exchange every-other weekend for 4 hours with
		another Day Care Center family
	3. Dad uses the "extra" work time to run at lunch
	4. Mom has given up exercise but longs to work out with
		Jane Fonda....

	Proposed bug fixes:
	1. Hire another housekeeper for twice a week to do dishes,
		tidying, and dinner preparation.	($120/mo?)

One suggestion is that 20 minutes/day of VERY FOCUSED TIME with
a child is very important.  Think about what that might do
if applied to a marriage!  (Twenty minutes of focused time with
your spouse EVERY DAY!!!)  For me, that time is more important than
anything else, so I try to get it in.

	Since you asked for suggestions,

	1. Try to find someone for your daughter to be with before
	school and after school.  Children need someone to talk
	to when they finish a day of school.  Can you drop her off
	at a friend's house on your way to work?  (You may have
	to find a parent who doesn't work or a family where a
	teenager is home in the afternoon.  If you can't afford
	to pay for this help, get creative about "compensation"--
	use of a home computer or recycling pick up or passing
	along paperbacks you've finished or taking the other child
	with you one Saturday a month for an outing.)  Help her to
	establish a schedule where she gets up and has breakfast
	with you and feels like part of the family routine.  This
	will do wonders for her self image.

	2. Put your daughter ahead of dinner when you get home.
	Sit with her and share a bit of your day.  Find out about
	her friends and her thoughts.  Twenty minutes.  If she has
	nothing to say, be available.  Don't think that you must
	start dinner or accomplish something.  Before long, she'll
	realize you are serious and take advantage of her special
	time.

	3. Talk to your husband about working an 8 or 9 hour
	day.  Ask him to help you come up with a solution to the
	time crunch.  If he has frequent hack attacks, he can go
	back to work after your daughter is in bed.  If he gets
	home when you get home, he can make dinner.  (This was
	a very worthwhile investment in our house.  For MONTHS
	I had to coach through the meal preparation, but now Dad
	takes tremendous pride in "his" style of cooking.)

	4. Arrange for your daughter to have dinner at a friend's
	house once a month (and return the favor) so that you and
	your husband can go out to dinner.

						Patricia Collins
						hplabs