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From: saquigley@watmath.UUCP (Sophie Quigley)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Handling A Child & Two Working Parents???
Message-ID: <7732@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 12-May-84 10:19:01 EDT
Article-I.D.: watmath.7732
Posted: Sat May 12 10:19:01 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 12-May-84 13:11:58 EDT
References: <952@bmcg.UUCP>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 51

I don't have a child and am not even married, but I would still like to comment
on what has been said.  I grew up a bit like kim except that I did have
breakfeast in the morning with my parents, but my mother was a very 
consciencious teacher and she has always (still does) spent her evenings
marking papers.  I don't really remember what my father was doing in the
evenings, but I don't remember doing anything with him either.  I don't think 
I turned out too badly.  I remember being upset at my mother at times, but I
don't really resent her for that.

One thing struck me about your description of Kim's afternoons: why is she
alone at home?  There is nothing wrong with being alone, mind you, but most
children her age like to spend quite a bit of time with friends.  Doesn't
she have any?  are you living in a place where there are no other children
her own age? in that case the simplest thing you could do to make things better
is to move somewhere where she could have friends close by.  It is a lot of
pain, but I am sure it would alleviate the problem a great deal.  Another
possibility is to get her interested in extra-curricular activities either
in school or out of school, where she could be with friends.  There must be
something she likes doing better than sitting at home with her dog and bunnies!
This will mean extra work for you as you might have to drop her off and pick
her up, but you could probably arrange some kind of exchange with other
parents fo children doing the same things.  Of course the initiative should
come from her and I don't think it is a good idea to push her if she doesn't
want to, but she might simply not have thought of it.  I really think that
what might be the worst part of her situation is not that she doesn't see a
lot of you, but that she doesn't see a lot of anybody.  As she grows up, she
will be more and more interested in being with kids her own age, so since
that is one thing you can probably arrange, it is probably easier to work on
that first.

I don't think it is a good idea to guilt-trip yourself in general and I don't
want to add to the damage other people have done, but I will anyway.  Even if
Kim turns out right in this, don't you think YOU are missing out on her?  You
haven't mentioned this, but it is important.  Are you sure you might not have
regrets later on about the lifestyle you have been leading, you and your
husband?  think about it now, because you do have a choice.  Your husband for
example does not have to have the job he has.  he could have another job with
better hours.  It is really up to him to make that decision, but it seems to
me that he should realise that he is making a choice, not just pushing it off.
Kim will grow up pretty fast.  In 10 years she'll be gone, and if you think the
first 8 years went by fast, just look out for the next 10 years!  Even before
she leaves, when she becomes a teenager, she might not be too interested in
being with you anymore, so you are not going to be able to enjoy her for long.
It seems to me you should be really thinking about that.  If you already did
then that's alright, but if you didn't then you're setting yourself up for
real trouble in a few years.

Hoping this will be of some help and not just more fuel for the fire.

Sophie Quigley
...!{clyde,ihnp4,decvax,allegra}!watmath!saquigley