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From: kim@emory.UUCP (Kim Wallen {Psychology})
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: Non-Sexist Upbringing
Message-ID: <1350@emory.UUCP>
Date: Sat, 19-May-84 13:42:33 EDT
Article-I.D.: emory.1350
Posted: Sat May 19 13:42:33 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 20-May-84 00:33:58 EDT
References: <4337@utcsrgv.UUCP>
Organization: Math & Computer Science, Emory University, Atlanta
Lines: 42


There seems to be a great difference between bringing children up
in a nonsexist environment and an asexual environment.  I don't
understand the motivation to deny either a male or a female a whole
set of very important characters.  Males and females do differ in
very important ways.  There is little point in rearing a male for
his possible pregnancy or preparing a female for when her voice
deepens and she starts to have nocturnal emissions.  This is not to
say that the reproductive capacities of males and females should
determine toys, books, clothing etc, but to deny that these rather
dramatic differences exist would only create great confusion for
a male or female.

If you want to see rigid distinctions based soley on sex talk to a
3-5 year old.  When kids first learn that there are two sexes it
can be a scary thing for them and they deal with that by rigidly
defining what makes males and females different.  This starts to
disappear when they get old enough that they are secure in their
sexual identity.  Then they can tolerate a greater variance in what
defines a sex.

As a last comment.  I have had several friends who have been frustrated
in their attempts to raise their kids (mainly girls) in an asexual
environment as the kids seem to develop very sex-specific ideas.
You may argue that this comes from society at large and some probably
does, but I don't think one should ignore that ones sex is an important
defining characteristic to the individual.  Kids are trying to learn a
whole bunch of fine distinctions and to send them the message that the
large difference they can see between males and females means nothing
(or is not relevant) would seem to be rather confusing.  I think a
better approach is to let the kid know their sex from the beginning
and teach them all of the aspects of being that sex, but always
communicate to them that their potential is unlimited by their sex.
Instead of trying to force our views on the kid, help him/her with
her fears, concerns, and pay attention to what the child wants.
Maybe your little girl really doesn't like trucks, but loves dolls.
Maybe it is the other way around.  Expose the child to many opportunities,
but listen to what s/he says.  I guess I'm not interested in doing
a sociology experiment with my kid's psyche.

Kim Wallen;Psychology Department;Emory University;Atlanta, GA
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