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From: greg@zinfandel.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: More About Love - (nf)
Message-ID: <1497@zehntel.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 28-May-84 01:27:10 EDT
Article-I.D.: zehntel.1497
Posted: Mon May 28 01:27:10 1984
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#N:zinfandel:22500006:000:1556
zinfandel!greg    May 24 17:48:00 1984

Please forgive me for posting a religious note in this group.  I will try
to keep it at the experiential level.

There has been some concern about love here lately, especially "loving the
unlovable" kids.  Some say forget it; others say by definition no kids are
unlovable.  I think that we are talking about different kinds of love here.
To my mind, there are at least three kinds of love: sexual love (I),
affectionate/friendship love (II), and serving love (III). 

Emotions can change or run dry.  You may be unable to emotionally love your
kids.  Some kids just will not accept your affections.  These kids can be
called unlovable (II).  BUT, you can still look out for their best interests
and give of yourself to help them.  Thus, they are still lovable (III).
Note that this third kind of love requires commitment.  If you only serve
someone when *you* feel like it, you're only serving yourself.

Before I became a Christian, I could not manage this kind of commitment.  But
now, whenever I become frustrated with my wife (this always seems to happen
when I am expecting her to serve *me*), I can pray for God to give me *his*
love for her.  It works.  If I don't do it, my failure becomes a source of
pain for us.  If I do, the affection invariably follows the commitment.

I'm not saying all this to condemn anyone for feeling unable to love someone
else; I'm saying it to offer an alternative.  You *want* to love your kids and
your spouse, don't you?  If you can't do it on your own, ask for help.

				Greg Boyd
				...zehntel!zinfandel!greg