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From: pc@hplabsb.UUCP (Patricia Collins)
Newsgroups: net.kids
Subject: Re: More About Love
Message-ID: <2289@hplabsb.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 29-May-84 12:19:01 EDT
Article-I.D.: hplabsb.2289
Posted: Tue May 29 12:19:01 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 1-Jun-84 08:22:48 EDT
References: <1497@zehntel.UUCP>, <7281@umcp-cs.UUCP>
Organization: Hewlett Packard Labs, Palo Alto CA
Lines: 29


	I will certainly add my "amen!" to the idea that children
need to be loved with a heartfelt commitment (Don't we all?).  The
traditional Christian compartmentalization of types of love makes
it easy for most people to understand. ("Love," the way you love your
lover ("sex" is not an essential component here), "love," the way 
you love those you feel a common "bond" with, and "love," the way 
one (ideally) feels about "humanity.")  Let's not make the mistake
of substituting agape or filial love for the kind of love essential
to a person's feelings of self-worth and emotional connection.  I
would postulate that a human being who experiences ONLY the same kind
of "love" that is due any other human being is going to be shortchanged
and emotionally crippled.  [Of course, this person would be in much
better emotional shape than the person who had grown up without even
a sense of agape.]

	I believe that what each person needs from some other person
(not necessarily a parent) is to be loved in an emotional, compassionate,
intimate way.  Because such feelings can't be faked (or if they are, the
child ends up with a contradictory self-image), a parent who finds s/he
can't truly love the child has a few choices: (1) seek help in finding
ways to access that love; (2) find someone who has lots of love to give
to the child; and/or (3) substitute whatever kind of "love" s/he CAN feel
for the child.

					Patricia Collins
					hplabs

PS- Of course, none of this needs to have anything to do with one's
religious convictions, but as another netter said, "whatever works!"