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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!houxm!hogpc!houxe!drutx!drux3!anita
From: anita@drux3.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: re: re: drooling for marriage, and "Men- or Lady-killers"...
Message-ID: <1165@drux3.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 21-May-84 11:51:31 EDT
Article-I.D.: drux3.1165
Posted: Mon May 21 11:51:31 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 22-May-84 07:39:31 EDT
Organization: AT&T Information Systems Laboratories, Denver
Lines: 35

--

   > I get bloody tired of this "your place or mine?" stuff and, even when I
   > was living with my lover, because I am so socialized to think about
   > marriage, I always felt on edge because I knew there was no
   > commitment.

I agree with Dick Dunn when he says that marriage and living together are
not necessarily on opposite ends of the commitment spectrum.  Commitment
has to do with what your attitudes and expectations are, as well as those
of the person you live with.  Marriage used to be a public statement that
you and your SO were making a life-long commitment, and not getting
married meant that you weren't, but those assumptions are no longer valid.
I am living with my boyfriend and, contrary to the above a statement, our
relationship has gotten even better since we moved in together, mainly, I
think, because we both perceive the other as having made a commitment, and
that's important to us.

With regard to the "your place or mine?" stuff, and the one night stands
discussion:

I have had my share of ONS's and I think it all depends on your attitudes and
reasons for having them.  I didn't meet the guys in bars, but rather at
parties and through other activities with friends.  This meant that I usually
knew them, or at least knew who their friends were, before I went to bed
with them.  That's not quite the same as taking the chance of picking up
a total stranger in a bar.  Also, I never felt that everyone was so much on the
on the prowl as at bars.  I think at the time I simply needed to feel attractive
to men, and I needed some affection, too, while recovering from a relation-
ship.  But, I wasn't ready for anything involved.  When I was ready for a
relationship, I acted differently.

                                                 For what it's worth,
                                                        Anita