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Path: utzoo!watmath!jamcmullan
From: jamcmullan@watmath.UUCP (Judy McMullan)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: commitment and living together
Message-ID: <7834@watmath.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 23-May-84 13:23:18 EDT
Article-I.D.: watmath.7834
Posted: Wed May 23 13:23:18 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 26-May-84 10:16:18 EDT
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 42

	An excerpt from a recent posting:
	>I get bloody tired of this "your place or mine?" stuff and, even
	>when I was living with my lover, because I am so socialized to
	>think about marriage, I always felt on edge because I knew there
	>was no commitment between us.
	
	If you equate unmarried <=> lack of commitment, or if you equate
	married <=> commitment, you're liable to get surprised and badly
	hurt. A piece of paper doesn't make commitment. If you knew
	there wasn't commitment between you and your lover, what was the
	point of living together? Marriage certainly wouldn't have
	helped.

You are taking me out of context. I said, in the first part of my posting, that
I could quickly think of 3 reasons to get married (I was answering someone
else's question). I stated that the desire for daily companionship and love was
one reason that people get married. The above was an example of daily
companionship without (enough) love for commitment. Even though I was able to
see him as often as I wanted, I still felt the lack of commitment and deep
love between us (well, so did he that's why we have split up and gone looking
for greener pastures). I assure you that if the reason for us to be living
together had been because we were deeply committed to each other, I wouldn't
have been in ignorance of it!!
(We were living together because we were tired of this "your place or mine?"
stuff. I don't feel I have to be ready to declare eternal devotion to share an
apartment and some snuggling with someone. It may evolve into that but in the
meantime you can sure have a lot of fun on the spur of the moment!)

I was trying to explain (but it seems I didn't do a very good job) that
I wanted more than just a sexual relationship. I wanted that deep feeling of
being needed and loved that can develop in a strong love relationship.
I was willing to give up the relationship I had to look for the relationship
I wanted.

I would be much happier if I could MARRY a man that I was deeply in love with.
I freely admit that this has more to do with my socialization than any "magic"
that can come from a ceremony and a piece of paper (and a bunch of irritating
laws). Some people can bond together well, without marrying (I know some
who have) but it would be difficult for me.

   --from the sssstickkky keyboard of JAM
   ...!{allegra|ihnp4|clyde|decvax}!watmath!jamcmullan