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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!alberta!ubc-vision!mokhtar
From: mokhtar@ubc-vision.CDN (Farzin Mokhtarian)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: RE: drooling for marriage
Message-ID: <379@ubc-vision.CDN>
Date: Sun, 20-May-84 18:10:20 EDT
Article-I.D.: ubc-visi.379
Posted: Sun May 20 18:10:20 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 26-May-84 12:14:45 EDT
Organization: UBC Vision, Vancouver, B.C., Canada
Lines: 52

***
   
>> I can think of three reasons, off the bat, why some people want the formality
>> and commitment of marriage, rather than a more casual and potentially briefer
>> relationship.
  
   Wait a minute! Not so fast! What if I want a commitment but not marriage.
   What if I want something very serious (i.e. not casual) not molded into a
   formal marriage? You don't really want to exculde seriousness from non-
   marital relationships, do you?
     
>> 1) They want daily companionship and love -- not just when it can be arranged
  
   I don't believe marriage is a prerequisite for this.
     
>> 2) They want a "mate" to raise children with.
  
   I don't think marriage is a prerequisite here either.

>> 3) They want to be "normal" ...
  
   This reason is at best `acceptable' but far from satisfactory. Let's consider
   an example and let's not go very far. When you decided to study math despite
   your father being against it, were you being "normal"? or were you improving
   your "family life"? Could it be that not getting married is even more
   unorthodox for a woman than doing a traditionally male-dominated job?
     
   I am aware of all the family and societal pressures to get married. I don't
   condemn those who do. But you have no right to claim that marriage is a
   stronger commitment than other arrangements. It is certainly much more
   acceptable socially.          
     
>> I need that deep down feeling that I have someone to count on and someone
   who loves me.
     
   I do too, very much of it indeed, BUT, 
    
   a) Marriage is no proof of love and no-marriage is not a proof of lack of
      love.
   b) There is nothing more permanent about marriage than about some other
      type of arrangement.
	 
   I don't need to get married to prove my love. If my lover believes a piece
   of paper more than she believes me, something is wrong already. I feel that
   I am also prepared to accept family dissapproval.
     
						       Farzin Mokhtarian
     
   P.S. I will also not discuss the other reasons you chose not to discuss.
	(In particular, getting married to raise one's status sounds so
	 selfish).