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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: another thought on desperation and rejection
Message-ID: <720@pucc-h>
Date: Thu, 24-May-84 01:37:48 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.720
Posted: Thu May 24 01:37:48 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 26-May-84 12:45:51 EDT
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 19

I came to a (yet another) curious realization recently.

It is well known that the attempt to invite someone to begin a relationship is
very likely to fail if the inviter believes that the invitee will reject
him/her.  (This has, of course, happened to me many times.)  The rejection
occurs, nominally, because the invitee senses that the inviter expects it,
doesn't think much of {him,her}self, is too desperate for love.  But consider:
People like and want to love as well as to be loved.  Even people in wretched
psychological shape make a few struggling (sometimes surprisingly successful)
attempts to live a loving lifestyle.  But if we approach another person with
the attitude, "I know you're not going to love ME", we are insulting that
person's capability to love, frustrating his/her normal desire to love -- we
are rejecting that person first!  It's only natural that an invitee would
reject an inviter who offered rejection.

-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
"...I've got to be where my spirit can run free..."