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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: thoughts on desperation
Message-ID: <723@pucc-h>
Date: Thu, 24-May-84 06:00:46 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.723
Posted: Thu May 24 06:00:46 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 26-May-84 13:56:40 EDT
References: <706@pucc-h>, <973@hao.UUCP>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 82

From Greg Woods:

> ...in order for religion to be of some help to you, you have to be able to
> believe many very important things for which there is absolutely no hard
> scientific evidence (that I can see), solely on the word of other human
> beings.  Lots of people with analytical minds (like me) have a great deal
> of trouble with this.

Sigh....  I never expected to have so many responses to one sentence.  I will
say briefly that there is considerable archaeological evidence; that the word
of human beings is the way one gets interested in God, but when you actually
come to know God, you have something (Someone) more than that as a foundation
for your belief, Someone with whom you have a dynamic relationship, not just a
bunch of words; and that I probably have just as analytical a mind as you do.

Greg also pointed out that people have physical sex drives and emotional needs
for closeness.	I fully agree.	Note that my article was not saying that guilt
was the ONLY motive a given person would have for desperation (it wasn't in my
case), nor that all desperate people must necessarily feel guilty about
something (I don't know all desperate people, so I can't know that); I was
merely pointing out the root of some of my feelings in the hope that it would
encourage others to look at themselves, see if their feelings had similar
roots, and deal with them if so.

Greg also blamed my Christianity for my guilt trip.  I admit that many people
(including Christians) view Christianity as being a system of rules.  Of
course it isn't; the name of the game is not avoidance of sin, but freedom
from sin.  Still, even though I'm not in the rigid fundamentalist tradition,
I still sometimes tend to feel that I ought to be punished for my sins and
failures -- but I don't feel that way so much because of my Christianity
(though I do have trouble reconciling God's justice, which I feel I deserve,
with His mercy, which I crave), but because I'm a terrible perfectionist and
have been since long before I knew anything about Christianity.

(Why is the above paragraph in here?  Because I see nothing wrong with using
this group at least partly for us all to just get to know each other, rather
than spending all our time addressing specific questions.)

Also, I would again pose the question (to all readers, not just to Greg):
Why are you so desperate?  There are probably plenty of nice MOTOS's
available.  Analyze yourself.  Be honest (brutally honest at times) with
yourself.  Find out what feelings (or actually, what erroneous beliefs about
yourself) are keeping you from going out and making friends with those
MOTOS's.  Decide to stop believing those erroneous beliefs; recognize them
for the destructive lies that they are, and change your mind.  The cause for
your desperation is not that your body and emotions have not received what
they desire.  The ultimate cause is that you have (for whatever reason) not
believed it possible for them to receive what they desire.

Another example of this, which I have just realized, faced, and dealt with,
and which I also offer in the hope that it might help some other readers:
I felt that I was not really a man.  Oh, of course I have the appropriate
physical characteristics; but I felt that I wasn't really a man INSIDE.  I camefrom a background not calculated to make one grow up feeling strongly male: my
parents divorced when I was 8; and my mother, who got custody of me, was (or
at least I perceived her as) domineering.  I've just been reading a book
("Eros Defiled", by John White) in which it is mentioned that those who grow
up in such backgrounds may become what is known as "pseudohomosexuals" --
i.e. men who may have some characteristics of homosexuals and/or lack some of
the characteristics of normal heterosexuals, who are more likely to have
homosexual feelings and be vulnerable to homosexual temptation than most
males, but who are not practicing homosexuals.	I certainly ended up this way;
I've never had a homosexual experience, but I've sometimes wanted males all
too strongly.  Anyway, the neat turnaround in my case was that my desire for a
really good woman as friend and lover -- the desire around which all my
frustration had been built -- came to my aid!  I realized that there is one
young woman I know whom I have been attracted to and cared about for some
months, not because she is a generic woman (I know, there's no such thing)
who could heal my "disease" and cure my problems, but because she is a good
companion, being an intelligent, sensitive, talented, and beautiful woman.
(And to top it off, I'm not sure if she believes that she's attractive!  So I
have some compassion for her too.)  In other words, realizing that I had a
desire which was a normal male desire, not based on sickness and pain, enabled
me to know that yes, I too am a real man!  [Then why do I like quiche? :-)]

BTW, the young lady involved has some inkling of how I feel; perhaps when we
meet for dinner and conversation next week [SURPRISE! Jeff got a date! :-)]
I will have an opportunity to progress....

-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
"...I've got to be where my spirit can run free..."