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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: In defense of marriage (thoughts from an ivory tower)
Message-ID: <981@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Tue, 29-May-84 12:41:33 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.981
Posted: Tue May 29 12:41:33 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 1-Jun-84 07:08:21 EDT
References: <514@cbdkc1.UUCP>, <1027@wateng.UUCP> <289@ut-sally.UUCP>
Organization: The Warlocks Cave
Lines: 68

Having been, in past times of my life, unmarried, married, and now in the
process of becoming unmarried again, let me throw a few pieces of
perspective at you:

    Marriage is by far the most wonderful thing that can happen to two
    people. For marriage to really work and not just exist or survive
    everything has to be right. 
    
    The first factor is love. If you do not love your partner you
    cannot survive the inevitable problems that will occur in your life.

    The next factor is friendship. Love is simply not enough. You have to
    like the person as well. Believe me, it is very possible to love
    someone you can't stand for any number of reasons. 

    There must be a high degree of compatibility, and of empathy. There
    must also be a willingness to allow (and take) space and individuality.
    There must be common interests because this is what the relationship
    will live and die on. The things you have in common is what draws you
    together. The empathy is what helps you understand your partners point
    of view. There must also be enough difference to keep things
    interesting. Marrying someone who looks (or becomes) exactly like you
    isn't a relationship, it is narcissm. It ultimately fails when you get
    tired of looking at yourself.

    Marriage is, at the ultimate ideal, sharing your existance with someone
    throughout eternity (depending on how long you feel eternity lasts).
    You marry someone because you want to share yourself and your life with
    someone for as long as you live. Many (most, probably) relationships
    simply don't have this kind of resiliency. You can see this in the
    divorce statistics. There is a very large place in this society for
    people willing to simply live together. Divorce has to be the most
    painful experience any ego has to go through, and I sincerely do not
    recommend it to anyone. The one thing I have found out about our
    society is that its priorities are ass backwards. It is trivial to get
    married. It is hell to get un-married. Realistically it should be much
    harder to get yourself into such a commitment than it is because most
    people who make that commitment have no idea what they are getting
    into. 

Now, from Chuqui's book of bedtime stories, here are some of the many
reasons for NOT getting married:

    Love.
    Lust.
    Children.
    Lust.
    Tax Purposes.
    Lust.
    Parents.
    Lust. (I told you they were bedtime stories)
    Society (probably the greatest evil of them all)
    Lust (So I'm in a rut. So to speak... :-)


And here are the reasons FOR getting married:

    You are going to spend the rest of your life sharing it with the other
    person. (Note I said are, not want to. Marriage is a BIG job and a lot
    of work. The cards are stacked against you, and the both of you had
    better know you can and will succeed).

chuq

-- 
From the closet of anxieties of:			Chuq Von Rospach
{amd70,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui			(408) 733-2600 x242

I'm sure I have my death ray in here somewhere...