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Path: utzoo!watmath!wateng!tpchmara
From: tpchmara@wateng.UUCP (Tom Chmara)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: More thoughts from an ivory tower
Message-ID: <1046@wateng.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 31-May-84 13:12:34 EDT
Article-I.D.: wateng.1046
Posted: Thu May 31 13:12:34 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 2-Jun-84 08:32:33 EDT
References: <1027@wateng.UUCP> <735@pucc-h>, <79@stat-l>
Organization: U of Waterloo, Ontario
Lines: 37

[ "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance..." ]

In the words of our wombat:
	`A "travesty of marriage" ?  Perhaps for you, but not for me.
	 If you want to make a lifetime committment based on your
	 ideas of sociology, religion, and whatever, fine; but I
	 think promising a lifetime committment is naive and dangerous.
	 People grow up, and people change, and sometimes they grow up
	 in different directions; it is ridiculously stupid to ask such 
	 people to live together when the relationship is no longer
	 viable, and it is naive to assume that *your* relationship
	 couldn't possibly be one of those.'

Too bad you feel this way.  It's along the lines of a self-fulfilling
prophesy.  It is reasonable to believe that you and your mate may have
difficult times, and at times things will in all likelihood seem impossible.
However, if you walk into the relationship saying `this probably
isn't going to last', not only will you walk out when the going gets
tough (where're you going, tough guy?) you won't be around to see when
things do work out.
	The marriages I have seen WORKING are characterized by one thing:
communication.  If you ``grow apart'', the seeds of that were in all likelihood
present before but you avoided/neglected discussion of these interests/problems.
I have observed (empirically) that the main ingredient here is a willingness
to become interested in what interests the other:  after all, you're interested
in them, aren't you?  Therefore, you are probably (should be) interested to
that facet of the other's personality.  If not, maybe you shouldn't be married
in the first place, nor in fact in any similar relationship.
	Sorry about the tone of this note, but I am very frustrated with
those who take such a negative attitude.  I'd imagine that if you were
in a burning building, an equivalent response would be "well, I might as
well give up now...people have died in situations like this".  Sorry, I
don't give up that easily.  I'd rather spend my time looking for the fire hose,
or preferably investing in a sprinkler system before the fact.
	Thanks for your kind attention.
		---tpc---