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From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: In defense of marriage (thoughts from an ivory tower)
Message-ID: <741@pucc-h>
Date: Thu, 31-May-84 02:52:48 EDT
Article-I.D.: pucc-h.741
Posted: Thu May 31 02:52:48 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 2-Jun-84 09:06:16 EDT
References: <79@stat-l>
Organization: Purdue University Computing Center
Lines: 37

From Rsk the Wombat [isn't that the name of the river just east of here? :-)]

> People grow up, and people change, and sometimes they grow up in
> different directions; it is ridiculously stupid to ask such people to live
> together when the relationship is no longer viable, and it is naive to
> assume that *your* relationship couldn't possibly be one of those.  

I have heard, even from Christian sources, that divorce may be the least of
several evils in certain cases.  But if two people would really let themselves
go when they give themselves to each other, they might grow together and truly
become one, not just physically.  (One friend of mine who has been married
only ~7 years remarks that this is happening with him and his wife.)
I probably do have a higher risk of divorce, since my parents divorced.  For
this reason, I will (or I hope I will remember to) bust my tail working at any
marriage I may enter, in order to make it a truly good, loving, lasting
marriage.  I will, of course, also try to make sure, as best I can before
marriage, that the woman is likely to do the same.

>	Y'know, everytime I go to a wedding and hear the "...til death" bit,
> I have to snicker; with divorce rates being what they are, the probability
> is that at least one of the weddings I've been to in the last year will
> not be the last for at least one of the people involved.  So, to you it
> may be a "travesty", but I think it's being realistic.

But your suggestion is almost that one should ASSUME that one's marriage is
going to break up, or at least that one should go into it with the attitude
"Well, if it gets a little rocky, we can always divorce."  This attitude,
which implies an almost total absence of commitment to the partner, is what
makes such a union a travesty of the total commitment that the optimum
marriage is.  Consider also Chuq's first-person comments on divorce and
marriage; I think he'd probably be closer to agreement with me than with you.


-- 
-- Jeff Sargent
{allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq
"...I've got to be where my spirit can run free..."