Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10 beta 3/9/83; site uf-csg.UUCP Path: utzoo!linus!philabs!cmcl2!seismo!hao!hplabs!sdcrdcf!sdcsvax!akgua!uf-csg!barry From: barry@uf-csg.UUCP (barry litherland ) Newsgroups: net.jokes Subject: more TKS ;-) Message-ID: <144@uf-csg.UUCP> Date: Fri, 22-Jun-84 13:01:23 EDT Article-I.D.: uf-csg.144 Posted: Fri Jun 22 13:01:23 1984 Date-Received: Wed, 27-Jun-84 02:49:04 EDT Organization: CIS, University of Florida Lines: 87 ****************************************************************************** * Do I have Typewriter Knuckle Syndrome? * * * * More and more people are asking this question. TKS is an insidious * * disease which strikes virtually everyone at sometime during their * * adult life. To find out if you have this dreaded disease, ask * * yourself these questions: * * * * 1 - Am I or do I have a chronic pain in the lower back? * * 2 - Do I constantly make typographical misteaks? * * 3 - Do I frequently repeat a word, a phrase, or an entire line * * 4 - Do I frequently repeat a word, a phrase, or an entire line * * of text when I am typing? * * 5 - Do I lose track of what I am doing easily, and surrender my * * self-control to my daydreams which constantly bombard me with * * vivid images of fantasies which erupt from my subconscious * * desires and early childhood memories with an overpowering * * desire to act out the secret wishes which I could never tell * * anyone about, except of course Jean ... Jean! My one true * * best friend. We promised to keep in touch when our families * * moved apart. Why did I stop writing? I'll tell you why!! * * Jean quit writing to me first! I never liked Jean anyway!! * * If we met face to face right now, I'd give that so-and-so a * * piece of my mind! Ooooooh, it makes me so mad to think that * * I wasted so much time with that creep ... I'm GLAD I quit * * writing to that slob. It was the best thing I ever did in * * my adult life. Well, not THE best thing. The BEST thing I * * ever did was to form the TKS organization. It has brought me * * fame and fortune. Who would believe that the world is so full * * of suckers wanting to show their benevolence by patronizing * * any bogus cause that comes across their video terminal. Yes, * * I formed the TKS organization. First, I got their attention * * with that "What is Typewriter Knuckle Syndrome" message. * * Right off the bat, 247 people sent me mail saying that they * * have TKS and want the cure. Then, I send them THIS goofy * * message to convince them that ... (woops, I think I goofed.) KINDLY DESREGARD THE PREVIOUS MESSAGE. THE PERSON RESPONSIBLE HAS BEEN TAKEN INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY PENDING THE RESULTS OF A BOARD OF INQUIRY INTO COMPUTER FRAUD AND PUBLIC DISPLAY OF INSANITY. YOUR COOPERATION IS REQUESTED IN PUTTING AN END TO THE MYTH THAT TYPEWRITER KNUCKLE SYNDROME REQUESTED IN PUTTING AN END TO THE MYTH THAT TYPEWRITER KNUCKLE SYNDROME EXISTS OR IS A VALID MALADY. NO RIGHT-MINDED PERSON WOULD EVER BELIEVE THAT THERE IS ANY RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN KNUCKLES, TYPEWRITERS, AND THE NORMAL FUNCTIONING OF A HUMAN BRAIN. NOBODY, EXCEPT, OF COURSE, MY COUSIN BEUFORD. HE WOULD BELIEVE ANYTHING ANYBODY TELLS HIM. HE IS SO GULLIBLE THAT HE ... (gotcha!) **************************************************************************** * * * Hello, I am back. The board of inquiry was all ready to come down * * with a guilty verdict until they heard the rantings and ravings of * * that bozo. Now, not only am I vindicated, but I am fully certified * * and licensed to perform TKS therapy. * * * * You, too, may be certifiable. To find out, just send yor resume to * * me along with a short (less than 1000 words) essay on "Why I should * * be certified." All correspondance will be kept in strictest * * confidence unless I believe it to be entertaining enough to share * * with my fellow professionals and any other gullible person I deem * * appropriate. * * * * For more information about TKS: WHAT IT IS AND HOW TO GET IT, just * * watch this space, or send mail to barry @CIS University of Florida. * * * ****************************************************************************