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Path: utzoo!dciem!abgrady
From: abgrady@dciem.UUCP (Brian Grady)
Newsgroups: net.jokes
Subject: a real groaner of a pun
Message-ID: <993@dciem.UUCP>
Date: Wed, 18-Jul-84 12:06:08 EDT
Article-I.D.: dciem.993
Posted: Wed Jul 18 12:06:08 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 18-Jul-84 14:20:23 EDT
Organization: D.C.I.E.M., Toronto, Canada
Lines: 64

Some archaeologists were exploring a distant planet in a far off galaxy
and they came across some traces of an ancient civilization! What a find!
There were pot shards and old record players, building bricks and shoe laces
and the alien equivalent of Johnny Cash albums (there's an equivalent to him
in *every* planet's civilization -- everywhere they went, these archaelo-
gists found traces of Johnny Cash. Frightening, isnt it?. But that is
essentially irrelevant to our story.)

Anyway, these guys were pretty excited by their find, until a small dog
owned by one of the team members came charging back to the camp after
a little expedition of its own. It dragged its owner to a bunch of nearby 
foothills that no-one had checked out (like I said, the dog was 
small, but centuries of its ancestors pulling their owners around on
leashes had resulted in this breed of dog which was small, but which could
pull any average 185 pound human toward any average light post, bush, blade
of grass, etc. anytime it pleased. This is essentially irrelevant to the 
story too, but the groan is louder the longer the buildup is, and I want
to see if I can hear this one clear across the net)

Well, if you thought that the archaeologists were excited at finding traces
of an ancient civilization, you'd better bet they were ecstatic at finding
one of the MEMBERS of that civilization. The leader of the expedition was
so excited by the find that he went stark raving loony, and he ran about in 
circles waving his arms and yelling "VLOOP! VLOOP! at odd intervals.
There's another story about what centuries of evolution had done to
archaeologists by that time, but you'd probably shoot me if I didn't 
get on with the story[B[B[B[B[B[B[A[A[A[A[A[A[A[A[A[A[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[B[BO.

What the fellow found when he got to where the dog was taking him was
a HUGE humanoid statue thing in a seated position on a small hill.
The dog dragged him over to the leg, and when our hero reached out his 
hand and touched it, he found that it was warm! There was a pulse,
and everything! It was still alive! Incredible.
In an awed voice, he said to his dog, "Gosh! How do you suppose it
got here?"

He was amazed, and so he went back to the camp to tell the others.
On his way back, he felt the earth tremble, and he turned around to 
look. It was the statue-thing rising to its feet. Not only was it 
alive, but it was mobile too! After a moment or two, the gargantuan
figure settled back into its original sitting position.

Well, to make a long story a wee bit shorter, the bunch of explorers
moved their camp to the statue, and tried to get something out of
it again. Nothing worked though. They tried tickling it. Nothing.
They tried prodding it. Zip. They did everything they could think
of, but to no avail. Finally, they gave up. They were tired of 
trying to figure out how to make the statue get up, and
they were tired of hearing their chief going "Vloop!" before dawn.
They packed their bags and prepared to leave.

The fellow who found the thing was not so anxious to go, though.
He sat at one of its feet by the hour, racking his brains.
Finally he too was disgusted. "What the hell makes you go, anyway!?"
he screamed in frustration. Suddenly the huge statue rose to its
feet and softly replied, "Questions," and it sat down again.

"Oh, of course, of course!" the guy screamed hysterically.
"It only stands to reason...!"

                          GGGRRRROOOOAAAANNNN!!!!!!!!!!


                               name and address withheld by request