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From: tj@sun.uucp (Cal Thixton)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: A Straight's Plea For Perspective.
Message-ID: <1301@sun.uucp>
Date: Mon, 25-Jun-84 18:36:36 EDT
Article-I.D.: sun.1301
Posted: Mon Jun 25 18:36:36 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 27-Jun-84 03:11:24 EDT
References: <1000@hou5d.UUCP>
Organization: Sun Microsystems, Inc.
Lines: 97

I sometimes wonder where some of the people on this net find the
time to write these 40-100 line letters on a daily(hourly) basis, however,
I would like to respond to this seemingly earnest request for info.

> As an admitted bigot in the area of homosexuality, I am looking for some
> education.  I have a few questions -- awful, yucky, uncomfortable questions,
> I hope.  I hope that some folk are good enough to get a discussion going.
> 
> 1) I find the idea of a man finding me (a man) sexually interesting is
>    revolting.  Not just disgusting, not just bizzare, but actually revolting.
>    (My skin is creeping right now ...)
> 
>    Question is, what happens if you are a lesbian and I (a man) find you
>    attractive.  Or if you are a gay man an I am a woman, and I find you
>    attractive.  And I let you know.  You know, flirting ( ... and what do
>    they call it when a man does it ...)  What do you feel?  What do you do?
>    What do you say?

you only have to use the social skills you have already, if you are not
interested, you can either ignore the other person or be blunt and say,
"thanks, but no thanks". if you are interested, then you should know how to
go from there.

> 2) If you find this revolting, then why would you WANT to live outside of
>    communities of folk like yourself?  Or at least why would you want to
>    socialize outside them?

I do not find this revolting. I have had all sorts of people flirt with me,
male, female, black, white, young, old. I try to think of it as a form
of flattery. I like to think that I am attractive, so what if I am attractive
to some that I would rather not be. Hopefully, I am attractive to
someone who I also consider attractive. But regarding why I would want to
socialize outside of my kind, I enjoy all sorts of people.

> 3) How do you feel (both intellectually and emotionally) about the idea that
>    children of hetero parents should/should not be brought into contact with
>    you in schools, day care centers, etc?  Lots of flames here, please ...
>    After all, if sexual orientation is established in pre-school years, then
>    don't parents have a right to have a say in influencing their children'
>    upbringing?

When I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I
checked into getting a teaching certificate because I have always enjoyed 
working with kids. Well, being a programmer pays a hell of a lot better. As far 
as the theory that children can be taught to be gay, I suppose there might be
something to that. But when these children grow up and start to deal with
their emotions, what they know will not jive with how they feel. Gay children
go through this all of the time. They were taught to be straight when they were
young, but they felt different when they grew up. The only reason I can think
of for not having gay people deal with kids is that gay people tend to have
fewer prejudices since we ourselves are all too often reminded that we are
a minority. This does not mean that every gay person would be wonderful with
kids and be a great role model, just that there are some gay people who would
be. Remember, 1 in 10 people are gay. Next time you are in a room of 10 or
more people, think to yourself, there is at least one gay person in here.

> 4) How do you feel knowing that if you find someone attractive on the street,
>    the odds are that that person will be revolted by what you feel?  Do you
>    feel that it is that person's fault, or is it just a bad accident of nature?

Being 'revolted' is a rather strong feeling to have for someone you might meet
on the street by chance. Children and puppies being mangled are things that I
would consider revolting. I guess I agree with Dyer in that that would be
their problem. 

> 5) If, for a moment imagine if, someone had a magic pill that could actually
>    make you straight (as opposed to destroying you, a la Turing ...) would
>    you take it?  Were there times when you would have?

If I had a choice of taking a pill and giving up my insight as a gay person
into the interaction of others, I would decline. As a gay person, I have
had to become very sensitive to the people around me and consequently,
I see a lot of things that most of the others around me don't even notice.
This is not something unique to gays, we have to develope the talent
to know whethere the cute person that we are talking to is going to
continue talking to us or punch us out. As far as preferring to be gay
as opposed to being straight, I have been gay all my life, I do not know
how it feels like to be straight. If you are asking if I enjoy being a
minority and having to be careful, well, no. 

If you really want to educate yourself, try to meet a gay person. You probably
have a friend who is gay, assuming you have more than 10 friends, that you 
just didn't know about. Dealing with gay people intellectually is a whole
lot different from meeting us in the flesh.

		Cal Thixton

		{decvax,decwrl}!sun!tj
		convex!texsun!tj

p.s. On a different subject...
Question: Does anyone know if Steve Dyer has a life outside of this net?
I think there are several people pretending to be Steve because I cannot
honestly believe that anyone can contribute as much to the net as he does
and still get real work done. Will the real SD please step forward?