Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site unisoft.UUCP Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!zehntel!dual!unisoft!maf From: maf@unisoft.UUCP (Mary Ann Finnerty) Newsgroups: net.motss Subject: Re: A Straight's Plea For Perspective. Message-ID: <306@unisoft.UUCP> Date: Wed, 27-Jun-84 18:21:02 EDT Article-I.D.: unisoft.306 Posted: Wed Jun 27 18:21:02 1984 Date-Received: Sat, 30-Jun-84 03:46:57 EDT References: <1000@hou5d.UUCP> Organization: UniSoft Corp., Berkeley Lines: 129 ** Dear Mark Terribile - ** You will probably recognize your own comments, but, for ** the sake of clarity, my comments are the ones with the `**' ** at the left margin... As an admitted bigot in the area of homosexuality, I am looking for some education. ** This comment is especially interesting to me since this ** message was received the day before the 1984 ** `Gay Freedom Day Celebration' here in San Francisco ** (and other cities across the nation). This ** day, commemorating a brutal, unprovoked attack by police on a ** Gay bar in New York City, (as well as the determination ** to join together as gay men and lesbians to prevent ** anything like that from happening again) was, most likely, ** unknown to you. Still, to proclaim ** yourself a `bigot in the area of homosexuality' is a ** startling way to begin your questions, and its' timing, ** an eerie coincidence... I have a few questions -- awful, yucky, uncomfortable questions, I hope. I hope that some folk are good enough to get a discussion going. 1) I find the idea of a man finding me (a man) sexually interesting is revolting. Not just disgusting, not just bizzare, but actually revolting. (My skin is creeping right now ...) ** This is a pretty strange comment. (not just disgusting, not just ** bizzare...)! Don't you find yourself attractive? Aren't you a ** sexual being? Why should someone's finding you ** `sexually interesting' make you react so emotionally? ** (Is it really the fear that they don't find you attractive?) ** I realize that being revolted by even the thought of sex with another ** man is necessary to maintain that `machismo' that makes the women ** at Tom Jones' concerts swoon with desire. ** That must explain your desire to maintain such an attitude ** instead of seeking a therapist's help. Question is, what happens if you are a lesbian and I (a man) find you attractive. Or if you are a gay man an I am a woman, and I find you attractive. And I let you know. You know, flirting ( ... and what do they call it when a man does it ...) What do you feel? What do you do? What do you say? ** Being a lesbian living and working in the bay area, the problem is ** perhaps simplified. (Though I still find it hard to believe that ** people in other parts of the country are as closed minded as their ** reputation indicates.) If someone talks to me, I talk with them - ** if I talk to someone, they generally respond. If it becomes clear ** that a man is flirting with me, I, actually, am usually flattered. ** Sometimes, however, someone's idea of flirting is repulsive - ** or they are somehow creepy. ** Then I am not flattered, and let them know it. ** Is that so different from your flirting with a straight woman? ** Some will find you interesting, some will take you up on your ** offer, and some will find you revolting (their skin is probably ** creeping right now...). 3) How do you feel (both intellectually and emotionally) about the idea that children of hetero parents should/should not be brought into contact with you in schools, day care centers, etc? Lots of flames here, please ... After all, if sexual orientation is established in pre-school years, then don't parents have a right to have a say in influencing their children's upbringing? ** The `if sexual orientation is established in pre-school years', is ** a pretty big if. I know I was surrounded by straight people all my ** life and it didn't make me straight. Why should I believe that ** contact with gay people would make someone else gay? Is it the ** fear that gays really do have more fun? (Why do you think they ** call it `gay', anyway?) As for parents having a `right to have ** a say in influencing their children's upbringing' - they have ** the MOST IMPORTANT say. No matter who teaches children in the ** classroom, no matter who takes care of them in a day care center, ** the most important influences on children's lives are their ** parents. Whether the children will grow up to be independent, ** secure individuals or not is the most important thing. ** If only the parents who are so worried about teachers' ** sexual preferences would concentrate on the quality of their ** children's education (at home, as well as in the classroom) ** and treat the personal lives of the teachers as just that - ** PERSONAL. Also, if children can learn to be unafraid of ** differences, they will be much better prepared to deal with ** the world as it exists. Not some fabrication of an all-straight, ** (or all-white, or all-rich...) world that is more some parents' ** fantasy than anything their children necessarily need or want. 4) How do you feel knowing that if you find someone attractive on the street, the odds are that that person will be revolted by what you feel? Do you feel that it is that person's fault, or is it just a bad accident of nature? ** Actually, I don't think that the `odds are' that that person will be ** revolted by my being attracted to them. They may not be attracted to ** me or even sexually interested in women, but I seriously doubt that ** they would be revolted by my being attracted to them. ** If someone were seriously revolted, I can't imagine her being ** very bright - why be revolted? Lesbians don't attack or rape. ** The worst it could do (if Playboy Magazine is any indication) ** is make her boyfriend more interesed. 5) If, for a moment imagine if, someone had a magic pill that could actually make you straight (as opposed to destroying you, a la Turing ...) would you take it? Were there times when you would have? ** Not for a million bucks. I think I may have wanted to find such a ** pill when I was in high school. I was so afraid of being gay that ** I took on the most fru-fru, femmy ways I could imagine. ** Then, after a couple of years of blatant, flaunting, ** heterosexual behavior, I relaxed - and flamed. ** I discovered a passion for feminine strength and softness, ** as well as the ease of physical and emotional communication. ** So many things separate men from women - the politics that surround ** us don't help things, either. I have gay and straight friends - ** men and women. I see alot of similarities in our love relationships, ** and appreciate the differences. ** Mary Ann Finnerty ** ucbvax!unisoft!maf