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From: honey@down.FUN
Newsgroups: net.rumor
Subject: Re: lots of people looking for jobs
Message-ID: <6400002@down.FUN>
Date: Thu, 19-Jul-84 11:10:00 EDT
Article-I.D.: down.6400002
Posted: Thu Jul 19 11:10:00 1984
Date-Received: Fri, 20-Jul-84 04:14:42 EDT
References: <257@down.UUCP>
Organization: The Official Fun Machine of Princeton University EECS
Lines: 52
Nf-ID: #R:down:-25700:down:6400002:000:2221
Nf-From: down!honey    Jul 19 11:10:00 1984

Our spies inform us that att.workplace is just *loaded* with hints on
how the long-distance company can save BIG BUCKS.  Submitted for your
approval (you can go have your nervous breakdown now, Rich):

	Let's get our act together and stop losing those multimillion
	and billion dollar law suits - we certainly have access to the
	same resources as IBM has.

	Stop manufacturing equipment and products that last forever.
	There is a lot of room to still be better than the
	competition.

	Place some controls on travel to meetings & conferences, and on
	travel expenses (especially meals).

	AT&T's corporate planes can be filled with employees who are
	scheduled to travel to the same destination as the executives
	who use them.

Totally res ipso loquitor stuff, eh?  If you're not nodding your head
vigorously in agreement (or convulsing with stupefaction), you're not
taking life seriously enough.  Get with the program, brutha!

Our roving correspondents also indicate that Arno Penzias (VP for
research and Nobel laureate) has been going around to the research
centers giving uplifting pep (sorry, Pat) talks.  Aside from his truly
inspirational predictions of 20% across the board budget reductions and
the imminence of salary cuts (see base note concerning the salary
freeze unless you're running B news in which case, well, ask jett!brian
for a copy), we have the following contributions to science:

	All the experimental psychologists were told they have two
	years to leave.  As Arno put it "We all know that some of us
	here aren't really welcome any more."  (This is n-th hand, so
	get out your granos of salis.)

	An astrophysicist commented that if Arno stops by and asks him
	why his job is good for Bell Labs he doesn't have an answer.
	(Remember when Arno was an astrophysicist?)

	There is a "leave the company" incentive program for
	bureaucrats, but not for researchers (although this may be to
	the Labs' advantage in the long run).

	Finally, there is this n-th hand colloquy:
	Q:  Mr. Penzias, Mr. Penzias, does this mean we can't do
	    academic research at Bell Labs anymore?
	A:  Harrumph!  Academic research is best left to academia!

Why did I ever leave?

	Peter (Not Tony!  Not Robinson!)