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From: sdyer@bbncca.ARPA (Steve Dyer)
Newsgroups: net.motss
Subject: Re: Dear Abbey
Message-ID: <819@bbncca.ARPA>
Date: Mon, 2-Jul-84 21:08:05 EDT
Article-I.D.: bbncca.819
Posted: Mon Jul  2 21:08:05 1984
Date-Received: Tue, 3-Jul-84 03:39:23 EDT
References: <3727@fortune.UUCP>
Organization: Bolt, Beranek and Newman, Cambridge, Ma.
Lines: 36

I think you have been more than patient with your friend, and you are
absolutely right to extricate yourself from the situation.  It's
unfortunate that you have to do this by moving out (instead of showing the
guy the door) but that's probably the least troublesome way to do it.

He sounds like a very weak, undisciplined person who is taking every
advantage of his situation with you.  You owe him NOTHING more than you
have already provided: generous notice, with a history of attempts to
resolve your problems without success.  This bit about "marriage" and
"duty" is specious.  Responsibility is a two-way street, and it sounds from
your story that he has not been fulfilling his end.  Certainly, you have no
duty to provide his financial support after you break up.  I wouldn't worry
about your "Mormon" attitudes cropping up.  Whatever their source, they are
proper, mature concerns and you are following the right reasoning.  It also
sounds like you have made a decision, and are just looking for any
convincing counter-reasons against it.  I can't offer any.  This doesn't
make a break-up any easier; it sounds very painful.

Now, I can imagine that under other circumstances or with another person,
this guy would be a perfect match.  If fidelity and honesty aren't
considered high and if his domestic skills are well-appreciated, and if one
is capable and willing to support him financially, and one is willing to
ignore or overlook his obvious failings, then there might be no conflict.
But these are all big "ifs".  What is important here is that these are all
sources of great conflict for you, and your experience shows that the
situation is unlikely to change unless you remove yourself from it.

So, Abby says: "Wake up and smell the coffee!  The handwriting is on the
wall!  Ask yourself if you would be better off with him or without him!
Give him the bum's rush, 23-skiddo, Kiddo!"

Good luck,
-- 
/Steve Dyer
{decvax,linus,ima}!bbncca!sdyer
sdyer@bbncca.ARPA