Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP
Posting-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83 based; site homxa.UUCP
Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!houxm!homxa!carson
From: carson@homxa.UUCP (P.CARSTENSEN)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: definitive exposition on jerks
Message-ID: <261@homxa.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 28-Jun-84 08:43:12 EDT
Article-I.D.: homxa.261
Posted: Thu Jun 28 08:43:12 1984
Date-Received: Sat, 30-Jun-84 02:42:32 EDT
Organization: AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel NJ
Lines: 37

As I see it, most people act like jerks occasionally;  anyone who
doesn't is bucking for sainthood or has absolutely no social
interactions. (I will take bids on reasonable definitions of 
"occasionally"--I think a jerk-episode a week is about average?)
Also being a jerk is NOT a sex-linked characteristic.

As several people have mentioned, jealousy can make you see nice 
people as jerk when they've got something you want.  I think there
is also a sour grapes syndrome: "X is a hunk, but x only has eyes
for y so I will tell myself that x is a jerk"

Also nice people through bad luck and general inattention to
details can get trapped into acting like jerks.  For example,
when you don't quite know what to do about someone who adores
you and whose chemistry just doesn't click with yours.  Also
what to do when there are two people whose chemistry does click with
yours and you can't make up your mind between them.  Actually being
nice probably exacerbates your "jerkiness" because you procrastinate
about doing anything because you don't want to hurt feelings and then
panic and do something really stupid (and  really hurt someone)
(I've been on both sides of this--long ago--I think maybe I've gotten
smarter with age about handling/avoiding this)

But there really are genuine jerks out there--some of them my friends
(but not lovers!).  As a composite sketch, let me introduce you to
Dumb Dan.  DD is married to Ellen.  She is fairly insecure, previously
married so really reluctant to quit this one.  He belittles her
intelligence and her attractiveness to her face and behind her back,
which doesn't help her insecurities.  He expects her to do the
laundry, cook the meals, clean the apartment after his pals have been
there making whoopee.  She also works and pays all the household
expenses;  when he works, his money is used for alcohol, other drugs,
and loose women (Picked up with the assurance (Generally after
no more than 2 hrs. acquaintance) that he is dynamite in bed.) Maybe
he doesn't beat her or use her as "bait" to arrange menage a trois...

                Patty (houxa!homxa!carson)