Relay-Version: version B 2.10 5/3/83; site utzoo.UUCP Posting-Version: version B 2.10.1 6/24/83; site pucc-h Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!ulysses!mhuxl!ihnp4!inuxc!pur-ee!CS-Mordred!Pucc-H:aeq From: aeq@pucc-h (Jeff Sargent) Newsgroups: net.singles Subject: Re: pedestalization (and more) Message-ID: <801@pucc-h> Date: Thu, 28-Jun-84 22:26:56 EDT Article-I.D.: pucc-h.801 Posted: Thu Jun 28 22:26:56 1984 Date-Received: Sun, 1-Jul-84 02:42:49 EDT References: <2082@mit-vax.UUCP> <778@pucc-h>, <791@bbncca.ARPA> Organization: Purdue University Computing Center Lines: 69 From Steve Dyer: > I'm going to go a little bit further and claim that you sound a bit > prideful of your own "loathsomeness." From a Christian point of view, this > is practically akin to rejecting Christ, for by placing undue emphasis on > this aspect of your character and your supposed "unworthiness" before MOTOS > (and by forgetting that everyone else is in pretty much the same > existential boat), you are denying the redemptive nature of Grace and the > power of Christ in your life. I have to confess that you're right.... If one feels low, small, and unworthy, it is only natural to try any means available to make oneself feel big, even if that means considering oneself a really big sinner. It does feed my ego to defiantly hurl my problems in all your faces, to make grandstand plays (not that I've said anything untrue about myself, but that I've packaged what I've said in the most memorable manner). It is all too tempting to make similar grandstands when I do date women (e.g. when I made a date for a week from this Friday, I told the young lady that I need to talk out my fears, needs, wants, feelings about her, about our relationship, etc.). Part of this desire to overemphasize the darkness in me is from the idea of letting a woman know the worst of me early on, so that if she's going to reject me, she'll do it early...rather than wait until we've been married for years and maybe had a kid, the way my parents did. Part of it, though, is from a wish to make an impression; and since I never learned how to make a good impression on a woman, all that's left is making a horrible one. It's true that it's a lot more fun (and really safer) to do this than to humble myself before God and ask Him to take away those things that keep me from considering myself a man who would be attractive to anyone. You see, if I did this, I might find myself inexorably drawn into loving a woman, and perhaps even into marriage; and can anyone imagine anything more horrible than voluntarily imprisoning oneself in a situation where one was committed to love another person, day in and day out, year in and year out, whether one felt like it or not, until death? Obviously the above is a very jaundiced and fearful view of marriage. I would be interested in the response from married readers of this group. > This has been said before (but since when did that ever stop anyone?) > Lighten up a bit! And, if these kind of ruminations bother you, have you > considered seeing a psychologist? This is not meant to be gratuitous or > mean, but a practical suggestion. Group therapy can be especially valuable > because it focuses on the patterns of interaction and relationships between > people in the group--very useful for people who have low self-images. How can one lighten up until one has solved the problems? If you were concentrating terribly hard on a project, working 80 hours a week to finish it as soon as possible, and making some progress, would not your boss (or major professor, or whatever) prefer you to keep at it rather than lighten up? How then ought I to lighten up in my work on this project? (Not to mention the fact that I don't know how; it's almost impossible for me to just relax with someone, unless that person is a very close friend.) While I am somewhat coming to agree with you that some sort of therapy (particularly group therapy) might help me, I wouldn't know where to find a good psychologist, much less a group therapy group, in this jerkwater town. You have to understand that this is a) Indiana, b) a small city (Lafayette) therein; each of those factors sets the area back by at least half a century, so this city is at least 100 years behind the times, unprovided with such modern conveniences. Anyway, I distrust mind-bending figures such as psychologists unless I either know them or have them recommended by someone I trust. Perhaps I'll have to break down and go to a singles group run by a local church, whose ads have mentioned something like "aiding personal growth in an atmosphere of loving fellowship". It ain't easy to accept that God might PREFER to help me through other people.... -- -- Jeff Sargent {allegra|decvax|harpo|ihnp4|seismo|ucbvax}!pur-ee!pucc-h:aeq "...got to find my corner of the sky."