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From: chuqui@nsc.UUCP (Chuq Von Rospach)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: Re: "Why be gay ...?" (digression)
Message-ID: <1123@nsc.UUCP>
Date: Thu, 5-Jul-84 01:04:11 EDT
Article-I.D.: nsc.1123
Posted: Thu Jul  5 01:04:11 1984
Date-Received: Sun, 1-Jul-84 02:47:10 EDT
References: <1037@nsc.UUCP> <779@pucc-h>, <1101@nsc.UUCP> <796@pucc-h>
Organization: The Warlocks Cave
Lines: 101

>>> = Sargent
>>  = Von Rospach
>   = Sargent again

>>> Anyway, I could argue that -- in humans at least -- the primary reason for
>>> sex is to bring the partners closer together as humans (people do need to
>>> be touched, and that's about as touching as two people can be; plus of
>>> course there is [I assume] a tremendous emotional and even spiritual
>>> closeness).
>
>> I disagree, to a point. Relying on sex for closeness and intimacy is a good
>> way to doom a relationship. There are many other ways to share closeness,
>> and to put too much emphasis on this single act creates an imbalanced
>> situation. You can be at least as close (or closer) with someone without
>> going to bed with them if you want and be just as satisfied with the
>> result. And it isn't nearly as messy.
>
>I didn't say one had to RELY on sex for closeness.  I just indicated that it
>did involve a tremendous degree of closeness.  It also involves a tremendous
>degree of giving of oneself; such a degree that, though I would very likely
>become sexually aroused from cuddling with an attractive woman (even if
>neither party explored the other's erogeneous zones), I would be hesitant to
>go to bed with her unless I was already very close to her in more ways than
>the physical. 

First, from what I read about the real world, many people DO rely on sex
for closeness. Foolish mortals, they don't know what they are missing. As
to sex involving a tremendous degree of closeness or giving of oneself, it
CAN, but it doesn't neccessarily have to. I think it depends on what we
define our terms as. I find it hard to believe that one night stands
involve significant amounts of giving of oneself or sharing. They are
mostly exercises (*pun somewhat intended*) in reminding you that you should
have changed your sheets. Personal comment time: I AM sexually aroused by
cuddling with women (I'll leave off the word attractive for now-- beauty is
very much in the eye of the beholder and I'm sure I'd be misinterpreted
otherwise. Let's just say that anyone I'm willing to cuddle with is
attractive to me regardless of what the rest of the world believes. of
course, when have I listened to the rest of the world???). If you haven't
tried it, Jeff, I can't recommend it highly enough... Just because I am
aroused doesn't mean it gets any further simply because I've found that the
easiest way to create unwelcome/subconcious committments is to go to bed
with someone. I'll save that for the people that mean something to me.

>It will be interesting to see what happens if/when some nice,
>attractive woman and I do become very close...will we be able to restrain
>ourselves?

Of course not. Men are animals. All they think about is sex, sex, sex. You
are a man, at least from what I've heard, therefore you'll go rutting off
like a mule in heat. Fortunately, Plaid Warlocks are immune from those kind
of problems. I've also got this nice bridge for sale....

>Chuq, it might be interesting if you elaborated on your sentence beginning
>"You can be at least as close...."

Hmmm.... This is, shall we say, a loaded question. I find many
situations where delving into the baser aspects of sex interrupt the
general flow of the situation. One of the better (but quickly failing)
secrets of my life is that I love to give massage (if I were flexible
enough I'd probably never leave my cave... *sigh*). There are any
number of people, some on the net, some off the net, who could give
first hand appraisals of this. I'm not about to mention names because I
also firmly believe in discretion (I have every intention of living to
a ripe old age... I'd love to die at the age of 90 in the hands of a
jealous husband, but I don't get involved with married women). While
massage can be an extremely sensual hobby it also tends to be quite relaxing.
I find it a great complement to myself when I can take someone who is
tense and stiff as a board and put them to sleep. Sex tends to be
contraindicated under these circumstances. I also run into situations where
I am interacting with a person at a very intense level and the physical
coordination required for sex tends to throw everything out of sync. One of
the more sensual evenings I've had in the last while was when a young lady
of my aquaintance came over for the evening, helped me polish off a bottle
of wine, lit my oil lamp, and we preceded to take off our clothes and tell
knock knock jokes all night. That wasn't the original intention, mind you,
but we enjoyed ourselves so thoroughly that we decided not to take a chance
of ruining the mood. That might sound strange, but you should have been
there (hmm... given half a chance, maybe you might next time... *snicker*)

>Sigh....  I guess one must take the bad with the good; why did sex have to
>involve both ecstasy and mess?

Messes are why they invented washing machines. If it really bothers you,
try a jacuzzi or a shower. Good clean fun. One of these days you'll find
out that given the proper circumstances you never even notice the mess.. At
least not until you roll over into it in the middle of the night. *snicker*

(Gack... Wierd moods are wonderful, but I bet I regret this article in the
morning.... I can just see thousands of women pounding at my door screaming
for massages.... Actually, I'd settle for one or two... *snicker* {note:
I'm going to HAVE to patch this software to keep me from posting when I'm
exhausted....)

chuq (loved by thousands from the wrists down-- and nowhere else...)

-- 
From the lobby of the Hotel California:			Chuq Von Rospach
{amd,fortune,hplabs,ihnp4}!nsc!chuqui			(408) 733-2600 x242

I bet you guess where I was some time ago, and I bet the you really didn't
know. I don't need you, I don't want you, but I might change my mind...