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Path: utzoo!watmath!clyde!burl!mgnetp!ihnp4!stolaf!The Mad Hacker
From: The Mad Hacker@stolaf.UUCP (The Mad Hacker)
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: The "kiss of death \-or\- In defence of \niceness"
Message-ID: <1756@stolaf.UUCP>
Date: Sun, 1-Jul-84 21:08:58 EDT
Article-I.D.: stolaf.1756
Posted: Sun Jul  1 21:08:58 1984
Date-Received: Mon, 2-Jul-84 03:36:00 EDT
Organization: St. Olaf College, Northfield MN
Lines: 50


-In response to the article posted Sat Jun 30 by !ism780!judy-

But what about the "virile men" that have very un-virile, "nice",
even shy personalities?   I've met quite a few of these, and they
aren't all that uncommon.  Many are the victims (a largely self-
inflicted victimizing) of a "Well, I'm insecure in my niceness, so I'll
just see if a virile body will get me out of this rut"-type mentality, 
exemplified in millions of Charles Atlas ads.  What they didn't 
realize what that that kind of change cannot be faked, but
has to be gone through all the way, and face it, many of them are
just terminally "nice".

I am, in my ways, also *very* obstinate and opinionated, but I've
conciously put forth a lot of effort over the years to give a thought
to what the other person has to go through in relating to me, and
in response, I try to sublimate those areas in consideration for that
other person.  Several people have seen that as the negative attribute
of "niceness", and felt that it was safe to proceed to stomp my face in
the ground, discovering in the process, that rarely seen caldron of 
fuming retribution just aching for release.  Whatever they want, they can
have with me.

The point is, is that truly "nice people" have the most backbone of
anyone, mostly because they've probably spent a lot of time dealing with
their own sh*theadedness, than with other's.  And that's, needless to say, a
*lot* harder to do.  Another main reason for their "niceness" is that
they value real friendship a lot more than the others, and are often
willing to pay a high price for it. (often, namely, their pride) That's
why they aren't often the most desirable person to have a purely
*romantic* relationship with; romance thrives upon attaining the hard to
get "prize", but the "nice person" needs you too much to act "macho",
or "hard to get".

The truly "nice person" is also too nice to allow the "more undisciplined
self" in others to go on uncorrected.  We all have it, even the "nice people".
That is why the truly "nice person" will say, "OUCH!", when they get burned.
The person with a martyr complex or low self esteem can act very similar to
a "nice person", but the difference comes when you push one too hard.  True,
the "nice person" will put up with a lot before the rope breaks, but when it
does (and you find out that he/she is *not* merely playing martyr), your
loss is far worse than his/hers. 

----
"How can you still love a man,
 That needs you more than you need him?"  - L. Norman

William "fur face" Gulley    {!decvax || !ihnp4}!stolaf!gulley