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From: moiram@tektronix.UUCP
Newsgroups: net.singles
Subject: pedastilization digressed
Message-ID: <2875@tektronix.UUCP>
Date: Mon, 2-Jul-84 15:42:24 EDT
Article-I.D.: tektroni.2875
Posted: Mon Jul  2 15:42:24 1984
Date-Received: Wed, 4-Jul-84 00:25:56 EDT
Organization: Tektronix, Beaverton OR
Lines: 62

>> Steve Dyer
>  Jeff Sargent
   Moira

>> This has been said before (but since when did that ever stop anyone?)
>> Lighten up a bit!  And, if these kind of ruminations bother you, have you
>> considered seeing a psychologist?  This is not meant to be gratuitous or
>> mean, but a practical suggestion.  Group therapy can be especially valuable
>> because it focuses on the patterns of interaction and relationships between
>> people in the group--very useful for people who have low self-images.

> How can one lighten up until one has solved the problems?  If you were
> concentrating terribly hard on a project, working 80 hours a week to finish
> it as soon as possible, and making some progress, would not your boss (or
> major professor, or whatever) prefer you to keep at it rather than lighten
> up?  How then ought I to lighten up in my work on this project?  (Not to
> mention the fact that I don't know how; it's almost impossible for me to
> just relax with someone, unless that person is a very close friend.)

A bad mistake, Jeff, to try to use those intellectual/analytical (left 
brain) skills on emotional/spiritual (right brain)  situations.  (Sometimes
they don't work even on left brain situations.  How many times have you
worked to a point of complete frustration, left the problem, and come back
a while later to find the solution simple?).  In struggling to change the
way you feel about yourself, there is no straight simple course.  Mine have
always been rather convoluted and I could only understand them through hind-
sight, which is why *TRYING* and *WORKING* and sometimes even *DOING*
don't work very well.  By forcing it by working on it you are not sur-
rendering the problem to your God.  You are saying, "my will be done".
Trust the process, even when it seems like you aren't getting anywhere with
it.  Be aware of how you react with people and question your automatic 
reactions.  "Why am I reacting this way?"  "Are my feelings about myself
realistic?" "Might I react in a different way?" 

> While I am somewhat coming to agree with you that some sort of therapy
> (particularly group therapy) might help me, I wouldn't know where to find a
> good psychologist, much less a group therapy group, in this jerkwater town.
> You have to understand that this is a) Indiana, b) a small city (Lafayette)
> therein; each of those factors sets the area back by at least half a century,
> so this city is at least 100 years behind the times, unprovided with such
> modern conveniences.  Anyway, I distrust mind-bending figures such as
> psychologists unless I either know them or have them recommended by someone
> I trust.  Perhaps I'll have to break down and go to a singles group run by a
> local church, whose ads have mentioned something like "aiding personal growth
> in an atmosphere of loving fellowship".  It ain't easy to accept that God
> might PREFER to help me through other people....

One of the most comforting aspects of being in a group was the realization 
that I was not alone.  Other people felt the same things I was feeling.  
Other women felt the same insecurities around men, felt the same fears about
being assertive, etc.  A healthy mistrust for the psychologist is beneficial.
If it doesn't feel right, move on.  You already have your God; don't make
the psychologist into one.  Check everything you
hear with yourself to see it if feels right.  It is also helpful to have 
a common belief system about the way the universe is, so the local church
group might be a good place to start.  What about talking to your clergyman
for suggestions on psychologists?

Above all, love yourself and trust your choices.

					Moira Mallison
					tektronix!moiram